S4 E14: The Great Oyster Special

A $1.75 can, a tiny fork, and a very bad idea. We set up Oyster Mania as a quick special and ended up with a full-on endurance test of budget smoked oysters, from the first briny splash to the final, pride-fueled bite. What starts as jokes about a missing co-host turns into a live review where smell, texture, and ego collide in real time.

We walk through the whole experience: the pop of the tin, the cat-food aroma, and the strange balance of smoky chew on the outside and mush within. Hot sauce becomes the coping mechanism that almost saves the day, and then we make the fateful decision to bite the chili marinating in the can. It’s less a pepper than a sponge of liquified oyster essence, and the reaction is immediate—wide eyes, near-gag, stunned silence. Still, curiosity and stubbornness push us to stack three, then five oysters, testing whether quantity changes quality or just amplifies the ocean funk.

Between bites we swap notes on texture, argue about tinned fish worth trying next—sardines, anchovies, squid, maybe caviar—and take a quick detour into Fallout 3 remaster rumors. By the end, we land on a candid score: a three to three-and-a-half, edible with help, unlikely to be repurchased, and absolutely unforgettable for the story alone. If you’ve ever wondered whether the cheapest can on the shelf is worth the risk, consider this your field report—complete with hot sauce strategies, cautionary tales, and a reminder that some flavors live longer in memory than on the tongue.

If you had to pick one tinned fish for us to try next, what’s your vote? Subscribe, share the episode with a friend who loves food dares, and leave a review to help us pick our next terrifying can.

Twitter - https://twitter.com/DarkAfterAdhd

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open Chaos
• 0:38 Missing Host And Wild Backstory
• 3:20 Announcing Oyster Mania
• 4:02 The Can, The Brand, The Doubts
• 6:35 First Smell Test And Panic
• 8:48 The First Bite
• 10:30 Texture Talk And Mini Reviews
• 12:15 Hot Sauce Experiment
• 14:05 The Infamous Chili Pepper
• 16:20 Stacking Oysters For Glory
• 18:10 Cleanup, Beard Regrets, Future Tinned Fish
• 20:00 Fallout 3 Tangent And Levity

Transcript

Cold Open Chaos

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Turn your camera and eat the pub over eat the fucking pub.

SPEAKER_04 0:04

Dude, I already threw away what was left, but there wasn't much left of it.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Okay. So it sounds like there's not much for you to eat.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Eat the bird. Eat the bird.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Alright, I have started the recording. Is not the talent time I tell you that I started the recording? What?

SPEAKER_03 0:29

I wasn't really like saying words. It's just more fucking.

Missing Host And Wild Backstory

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah, you guys are going. Alright. Woo! So so we have a special episode. We don't have E. E got replaced by Switch because we controlled him too much and uh now he's in jail. We did what to him too much? Don't you remember we controlled him too much? Controlled him? Yeah, we burned all the entire state of Michigan to the ground. And he showed his penis to a lot of people. And he showed his penis to a lot of people. So he's gonna go chill off in jail for a little bit. Uh don't worry, he'll get out. We got the pardon coming. I mean, we'll just we'll have Matman lawyer them and stuff. Matman's lawyer technique is just gonna be a bunch of dad jokes. All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

Well Matman's a very decent lawyer. I mean, he got me out of a jam with Murky last night.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Yes, do explain.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Uh well, you see what it happened was. No, this is true. Well, actually, Murky.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Nobody was there. I wasn't there. His wife was there. Shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Uh Murky last night said that he was gonna drug me and then bang my drugged body when I couldn't fight back. That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

We were talking about having sex with each other and I took it too far. That's fucked up. You did. That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Yeah. He said those words, and then he tried to deny it. And then when Mat Man started lawyering him, he was like, Alright, I did it.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

I said it. And I do it and I do it again. I do it again.

SPEAKER_04 2:09

I'd do the same thing as Murky, though.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

That's fucked up. What? That's so fucked up. I lived with him for so long and I never got any.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

Like, none of us are ever gonna get any unless, you know, we fucking You know, one of these days, Murky's actually taking some shortcuts. Actually, he's actually gonna watch. Oh, what is that?

SPEAKER_03 2:33

It's gonna look like something from the movie Tremors.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

It's just gonna look like the thug the thong. Sorry, I meant to say the thing, and it came out as the thong. Yeah, you could use too. Because I was thinking of the thong skin for the thing in Rivals, and it came out as the thong. Uh-huh. You're gonna have the thinis. The thing's penis. Yeah, the thing's penis. The thing is. The thing is. Yeah, sure, whatever. Okay. The thingis. That's gonna be rock solid. So switch gonna eat that bird or what? Yeah, switch, you're gonna turn your camera on and eat that bird? It's already gone.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Damn it.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

You already ate it? Well, well, someone has something to eat, too.

Announcing Oyster Mania

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah, we speaking of stuff to eat. Uh we're doing a small special. Normally we don't record whenever we can't get all four of us together. Uh, that's why our episode release schedule is pretty terrible.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Um it's me, because you guys can do it without me for sure.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Uh, but murky has some canned oysters from all uh Coco.

The Can, The Brand, The Doubts

SPEAKER_03 3:36

I'm gonna cut a WrestleMania promo. Oh yeah. Welcome to Oyster Mania. The only time canned shellfish is gonna fucking jump into Murphy's mouth. It's not gonna be. Have you opened it? I am not open. You don't need to search. You don't need to search. He's got the camera on. Would you guys like me first? Yep. Northern Catch Smoked Oysters. The best one to watch is Tin Fish Reviews on TikTok. There's a fucking tin fish reviews TikTok channel? Tin fish reviews on TikTok. He's a red-headed dude with uh like a handlebar muscle.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Northern Northern Fish Review. Northern Catch. Northern Catch. Why is it what about this? Northern Catch.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

I thought that was the can.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

I was like, alright, some canned oysters. Like because I like tinned fish reviews. I watch him eat all these fucking sardines and different fishes and fucking squids and oysters and blah blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

This looks like little like little pieces balls. Like little balls like you fish with. Dude, why does Grubber fish for carp?

SPEAKER_04 4:57

Right. Can I point out that this guy, he has the accent and he looks kind of like crazy?

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Don't hate on my boy like that. Pin fish reviews do. I know you watch this podcast. I know you listen to this podcast. Crazy can't crazy can't grow a beard.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

Yeah, but without the beard, you know it would look like crazy.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

I mean, at that point you're just describing a generic white hair. Crazy as tin fish reviews.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

Alright, Mark, it's your time to eat them.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Well, he's gonna finish the wrestling promo.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Uh I did.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Alright, let's see. Let's see, let's see you crack this open and see what we got. We're not we're not doing a video special either.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

Wait, I have a little fancy fork. Did you get the small fan the the box that fork? That's what it came in. Yeah, I mean it's it's smaller, it's not very large. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Real shy going for like a crab leg for also, just in case it's needed, I got the frights. That's absolutely gonna be needed.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Yeah. I mean, I have a feeling that might just trigger the gag reflex. How many of these things did you get? Just one. Just one and done. You have to eat the whole can.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Oh, do I? Are you gonna throw away good food? I'll tell you, if you like you guys, you saw what this looked like, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah, now you gotta open the can and show it to us in person. Fucking old.

First Smell Test And Panic

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Try it. Try weird shit from Aldi. Alright. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Put it right next to the mic so we can hear the the squelch. How's that smell? Oh, yeah. How much did this cost? Does it smell that? Dollar seventy cotton.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Like less than two bucks.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

She's not here. She's at boat club. That's probably for the best.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Does it smell bad?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Oh, it just shot me in the face. Oh no! No, it's in the weird. I felt it.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

I can only imagine this just smells like cat food. You know what's crazy is I grew up. Did your fucking did your tin did your tin fist review guys say this was good? Uh after he mixed mayo and hot sauce and I don't know, brother.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

You have to do it. I just straight up grew up eating this stuff. He's already bringing out the hot sauce. No, no, no, wait, wait, no, no, no. You gotta try it without the hot sauce. You gotta try one without the hot sauce.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

All right, all right. Oh, dude. Alright, I have retriever throw-up bucket. Oh man. Dude, this is straight up unchunked cap. That's disgusting. I might be hating it before I try it. I might be hating it before I tried it.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

I'm gonna get hella smoky flavorings, but shut the slow.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

This is fucking smoky. I was making meat throw up looking at it. It does not look very just a little mushroom. It's not here to win a beauty contest. It looks like Kilala vomited on my carpet. Dude, little go away.

unknown 8:29

I don't smoke.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

He says if you eat a meat. He said, You're gonna eat that? It smells like cat food. And then he smelled it was like, yo.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

It's like wet food early, alright?

SPEAKER_01 8:44

It might be getting wet food early.

The First Bite

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Give me a cow, give me a cow down. Five.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Fold three, two, one!

unknown 8:53

Oh!

SPEAKER_02 8:57

You look very unsure. Like you want to say it's bad, but you're like, it's not super bad.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Your face is so conflicted. You don't look like you're gonna throw it out. Oh, you're like that one fucking girl who's like, huh?

SPEAKER_04 9:15

The consistency of those is like liver. Is what I compare. I like liver.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

It has? Like chewy. Just enough chew. The inside is like very mushy. It's a little spicy. I'm not gonna lie. It's a little spicy. Not like it's not gonna make you sweat. But it's enough to let it be. It's got a little kick to it. Let your tongue know about it. Are you gonna finish it? But there, dude, there are hints that I think pizza is back there.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

There are hints to it that make me want to gag. Put the hot sauce on it now.

unknown 9:59

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

So if somebody if somebody just went like while you were eating it, would it make you gag?

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Yeah, for sure. It definitely would have.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Is it better or worse than the eel? Ooh, good question. Didn't he throw up from the eel? Yes, he did. I did throw up from the eel. We're gonna finish this episode, and like two hours later, you're gonna be like, guys, I fucking threw up.

Texture Talk And Mini Reviews

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Oh my spicy. No, you haven't drank milk.

SPEAKER_03 10:30

They almost look more like mushrooms than oysters. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a little mushroom. Oh, okay. Try one with some hot sauce, and we'll get one that was right up on the chili.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

It must not have been good if you have to.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Oh why are you doing that?

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Is it any better with the hot sauce? It looks like it's worse. That is better with the hot sauce. But it looks like you got a more mushy piece.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Dude, they're like they got some mean mush to them. Oh, we're gonna try the chili. We're gonna try the red chili that's in there. That thing, that thing probably tastes like. I bet this motherfucker's hot. I bet this motherfucker's gonna be hot. I think it's gonna taste disgusting. What do you think, Zeno? What's your opinion? What do you want to say? Eat it or no? Yeah, do it. This is for content at this point. This is enough to make all the oysters spicy. Like, how spicy do you think it's gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Like, you think I'm I'm not really worried about the spice of oil.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

I'm not worried about the spice. I'm worried about how it's gonna taste. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

That wasn't the spice, was it? Was that the flavor? That was so involved. His eyes got so wide he looked fucking puked on his keyboard.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

You almost projectile vomited.

Hot Sauce Experiment

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Yeah, it wasn't the keyboard. I was expecting more pepper, but instead it was an exploit exploding oyster-flavored pack.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

That's exactly what I thought it was. I wasn't expecting it to be spicy. I was like, that thing absorbed the essence. Yeah. There's a reason why the oysters smell like that, but don't taste like that. It's because it all went into the pepper.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

I was gonna say, you ain't gotta do that, man.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Ah, he had to. We're here now. Now he's gonna now he's gonna finish it.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Did you just eat another oyster? What are you doing? Why are you doing this to yourself?

SPEAKER_03 12:49

I bought him. I bought him! I bought him! I gotta eat him! I gotta do right. Oh, by the sea gods, dude. If I throw this out and I don't catch a shitload of fish this year, I'll blame it all on the oyster.

SPEAKER_04 13:02

Wait, dude. Last last challenge for these oysters. Eat multiple of them at once.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah, eat the rest of them all at once. Yeah, not all of them, but I'll do like a three or four stack. Bro, this pizza that you're making, Murky, is gonna taste so good.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

Yeah. It doesn't even matter what it is. I got like the big the biggest one on there, too. How many you got? Show it to the camera.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

On the fork. Oh, that's so bulky bite.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

It really does look like mushrooms.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

It looks like rotting mushrooms. Except for the one that's like split open up top. And it looks like a vagina.

SPEAKER_04 13:44

I realize what kind of mushroom they look like. They're butt pills.

The Infamous Chili Pepper

SPEAKER_01 13:47

They're butt pills. Oh yeah. I'd better go with it's not as bad as the pepper. Oh. Oh, it's in your beard. I can see it. I can smell it. Oh yeah. Oh, you're fucking when Dusty gets home, you better have taken a shower. She's gonna not kiss you. She's gonna be like, brush your teeth.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

She's gonna get a little bit more.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

You're gonna see them tomorrow at the card shop, and you're just gonna get a whiff of sauce.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

I'm gonna get a new can and I'm gonna eat them at the card shop just for you.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

You're not gonna do that. I can tell you're not gonna do that by how you look like you're ready to puke right now.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

I got eight more oysters, I need a little bit more. The more hot sauce, the better.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

I thought you were just gonna start drinking that. The more hot sauce, because it just negates the oysters. There's no more flavor of the oyster coming through. If you bought more of those, I would try them. I won't. I know I'm gonna throw up. I threw up with crab raincoon. Do you think I'm gonna be able to fucking eat this shit? No.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

I've had oysters a lot of different ways, and I guess when I look at it, Dusty's kind of right because it is just like big snot booger in a f in a shell. Yeah. And I'll fucking put some hot sauce on that and slurp it up like it's a delicacy. They really just smoked and cooked these from that form and then stuck it in a can with a fucking chili pepper and let it get hot.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Fair.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

It's just weird. It's really weird.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

I like uh listening oysters. They were also a dollar something. Yeah, dollar seventy five. And good till 2029. Well, that might be that might I might be to differ on that. It might not be good. It might not be good right now.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

Did you guys hear that uh there's apparently rumors Fallout 3 is gonna get a remaster?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Yeah, I did. It's so they can make more money to fund the uh Skyrim or Elder Scrolls 6.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

I'll gladly buy Fallout 3 on a remaster. I love that game. They better get Liam Neeson again.

Stacking Oysters For Glory

SPEAKER_03 16:06

I'm just gonna say it. The oysters that look like labia, those are the ones that have the little extra chew that like saying you like to eat pussy? If the labia doesn't love it. It's better than it's the best American pastime in the world, dude. Better than half the pie better than baseball. Would you disagree? Fuck you. But uh yeah, that'd be like I wanna say something.

SPEAKER_05 16:34

I wanna say something, but I shouldn't.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

I could see the like mouth movement of uh Yeah, I know not worth it.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Not worth it. Not worth it. Oh, you dude, I can't wait for like an hour from now when you're just on the toilet shitting your brains out.

SPEAKER_03 16:54

Shitting my brains out, dude.

SPEAKER_05 16:56

Something I'm gonna How many you got left?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Five. Bro, didn't you just eat three at once and you had eight?

SPEAKER_03 17:09

I had eight after the three at once, and then I just ate three more and goalie. So I think I'm about to do another stacker.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Just eat all five. Send it stacker. Full fucking cheek it. All five. All five. Super finale. The super the super fucking short. Show us how much you can take. Food special?

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Yeah. Oh, I can't get this one to stick on the fork, you motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Has it got a levy on it?

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Nope. Oh, oh, I'm getting all like the mushy part. I you know the part of the chicken thigh where like if you like pop it out, it's not like dark meat, but it's that like dark, like kind of like mushy shiny stuff. Yeah. That's the most I can fit on the fork. Oh. And one more.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

He didn't think he was gonna eat all this to start, and then he was like, I bought him.

Cleanup, Beard Regrets, Future Tinned Fish

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Yeah, I'm like, you know what? If I can stomach it, I'm gonna fucking eat them. I'm not gonna waste them. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

They're not good if you have to work it up to eat.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

Next time you gotta do real dude. Next time you gotta do like canned sardines or like um what else?

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Anchovies? Oh anchovies? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

We should get some like really fancy caviar.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Squid, maybe? Yeah, canned squid. Or octopus or something. I don't want to eat octopus.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Dude, I'd be yeah, I'd be eating out the cannon.

SPEAKER_03 18:48

Did you say that they're too smart? They're way too smart.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

But if it's dead Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

I mean, what?

SPEAKER_03 18:57

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 19:00

Punched over like you're about to die.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

That's one.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

You can do it! We're done. Oh, is that it?

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Fear factor.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Yeah. Now show it coming out your butt in two minutes. In two minutes. Oh, that's that's that. Murky, on a scale of one to ten, how good were they? Oh he's on the phone with somebody.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

I mean, to be fair, I actually ate them all.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Yeah, but how good were they?

SPEAKER_03 19:31

She said, ew. They weren't that great. They weren't that great.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

She's fucking on a scale of one to ten, you should tell her about the chili pepper. How that was the worst part. I love you too.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

Right. It was called on the check on the explosion. No, she's just not leaving uh book club.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

So on a scale of one to ten, how bad were the oysters?

Fallout 3 Tangent And Levity

SPEAKER_03 19:56

I'd give them. Three. If a one and a two make you throw up, I'm gonna give it a three, a three and a half.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

What was the chili pepper on the scale?

SPEAKER_03 20:08

The chili pepper was worse. It was it's you don't expect it, and then you bite into it and it explodes with fucking oyster liquid, hot oyster liquid in your mouth. I mean we all expected it.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah, me and Zena were like, we're not worried about the heat.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

You were like, is it you think it's gonna be too hot for me? And we're like glad I had a couple drinks beforehand. So like you know, a little buzz going into it. They probably don't taste them as much, but bro. I imagine dead nuts sober. I probably would have ate the one and thrown it.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

That would have been that would have been funny. Well, that's uh that's all we had. That's all we had for this special. Anybody got anything funny to say? Switch play us off. Yeah, switch say something. Alright, that was cool. See you guys. There we go. Fuck yeah. Goodbye.