ADHD After Dark

S4 E13: We Take Control Of E

• CoderCoder, E To Interact, Xenostream38, Merkdaddy • Season 4 • Episode 13

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Imagine four friends wrestling for control of one body—bidding away their willpower, rolling dice for every move, and chasing three absurd objectives each. That’s the game we played, and it turns a dumpster wake-up into a full-blown odyssey of chaos, strategy, and questionable choices. The rules are simple: pick three skills, pick three goals, then fight for the wheel. Unskilled actions need a perfect roll; skilled ones ease to a three. Miss, and someone else grabs control. It’s improv comedy fused with game-night tension.

We push the premise to its unhinged limits. The story rockets from a dumpster in Gary, Indiana to a flaming McDonald’s, a hijacked firetruck, and a baffled set of cops. One player leans hard into “Firestarter,” turning the map into a chain of bad decisions you can’t stop listening to. Another tries to out-talk every problem with “Smooth Talker,” scoring points in the strangest ways. Meanwhile, tasks like “get a beer,” “work naked without getting in trouble,” and “enter a contest and win” become mini-heist plots powered by dice and desperation. Every bid drains willpower; every roll might end your run. The suspense is real because the rules are brutal but fair.

Between explosions and persuasion checks, you’ll hear how constraints spark creativity. Skills reframe actions, willpower bids become mind games, and the table energy keeps the narrative sprinting forward. By the finale, the scoreboard tells one story while the trail of wreckage tells another—and both are hilarious. If you love actual-play chaos, improv that says yes-and to everything, and friends pushing a simple system to cinematic extremes, this episode is your jam. Hit play, pick your favorite agent of mayhem, and tell us who you think should have won. Enjoyed the ride? Follow, share with a friend who loves chaotic game nights, and leave us a review to help more listeners find the show.

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SPEAKER_05:

Find a piece of paper now.

SPEAKER_07:

Alright, we're we're live. Matman's voice was the first thing heard. Hi, everybody. I'm eating.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh I don't have paper.

SPEAKER_07:

You don't have paper?

SPEAKER_10:

No.

SPEAKER_07:

You have a big dick.

SPEAKER_05:

Is it I don't think that those things are synonymous? No, no, I think he's got a point. I mean, let him click him out.

SPEAKER_07:

You fucking you've seen people write on their fucking hand to remember stuff. Just write on your dick.

SPEAKER_10:

Test cheat code if you ever have to take test seven. I'm going to draw a thermometer on my dick. So if Crystal's ever like, I can't write now, I'll get it. I'll feel God and be like, let me take that temperature.

SPEAKER_07:

There's two ways writing on your dick could go if you fucking used it to cheat on a test. Either the test taker is not gonna fucking question you for it because that's way more trouble than what it's worth. Or you're gonna have like the most strickler persons to the rules coming over and be like, let me see your dick, and then you get him arrested for underage penis viewing.

SPEAKER_06:

What?

SPEAKER_07:

Huh?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, the the song Let Me Smell Your Dick. I have Let Me Smell Yo Dick. Let Me Smell Yo Dick.

SPEAKER_02:

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_10:

Who's on Tosh Point O. That explains uh the website.

SPEAKER_06:

I actually knew somebody who was on Tosh Point One. The Merman? Yeah, the Black Merman. His name is Eric. Uh I mean, if you watched Tashpoint O, it's possible you saw the episode. I'm sure I did. It sounds very familiar. Yeah, him and I worked at a movie theater together. That was the same movie theater where the manager was sneaking in the uh ceiling tiles to spy on women going to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_07:

What? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_06:

Did I never tell that story?

SPEAKER_07:

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_06:

So uh I was working at a movie theater in Charleston, South Carolina. It was while I was waiting to get my teaching certification transferred to South Carolina for Michigan. And yeah, uh apparently for years the manager had been sneaking into the ceiling tiles because there was a certain theater that was in there that he found that the panel moved out and he could sneak back there, walk through the walls essentially, and go up into the ceiling tiles of the women's restroom and just like move the tiles slightly, and he just had like a phone he was taking pictures with. That's fucking crazy. A woman just happened to notice it move. She looked up and saw a face looking at her and freaked out and called the police. And uh when he was questioned about it, he just immediately folded. Huh. Yeah, so yeah, what was funny was I was working the day that he got arrested, but he got arrested like 30 minutes after I left. Damn. Wow. So like I just missed all that happening.

SPEAKER_08:

Huh. That sucks. I mean, they probably would have asked you to come back and work, so maybe you're probably out at the right time.

SPEAKER_06:

Hey, so uh the manager just got arrested. Can you come back and uh do an extra shift? Just help out. That would be crazy.

SPEAKER_07:

That's fucking wild, dude.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh yeah, I'm really shocked that I've never said that story before now.

SPEAKER_09:

You probably have.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, I don't recall it.

SPEAKER_09:

It's very possible. I've never heard that. Absolutely never heard that story.

SPEAKER_05:

I know you've told me, but I don't know when. Oh wow. Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_07:

What's happening with Matt?

SPEAKER_05:

I am currently playing Destiny and realizing that this is a very slow thing that I'm trying to do.

SPEAKER_07:

That sounds like code for my wiener. Hey, oh sure.

SPEAKER_06:

Zeno, did you ever get yourself that piece of paper?

SPEAKER_07:

Oh no. Oh fucking Christ. Ever since I have reinstalled Window, all my fucking audio settings are fucking just messed up. I hope my audio's not too quiet for everybody. It probably sounds great on Discord, but I'm looking at the waveform. I'm looking at the waveform, and Matt's peaking, E's peaking, Xeno's not peaking, and uh Marky's not peaking.

SPEAKER_05:

I have my Gen Con D6. There we go. Alright, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm here.

SPEAKER_07:

Maybe I should just do you have a piece of paper and a writing utensil?

SPEAKER_05:

I have a writing utensil and an initiative tracker.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh you will not need that initiative tracker.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, that's my piece of paper, so fuck you.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, okay then. Whoa. I I figured when you said initiative tracker, you brought out that sword thing.

SPEAKER_05:

No, this is just a sheet of paper that I use when we do the online thing, because sword thing is a lot of work.

SPEAKER_07:

Sword thing is pretty cool in person, though. It is.

SPEAKER_00:

Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Alright. Uh so what so while we wait for, you know, he gave us an assignment and then he gave us some more stuff to do today. And I have not done that yet. So we're gonna we're gonna.

SPEAKER_05:

I apparently didn't study for the test, so yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

It's okay. Murky was the only one who handed in an assignment, so he gets a golden star.

SPEAKER_09:

I did I have a full no seat actually installing as well.

SPEAKER_06:

So give uh all right, get fucked.

SPEAKER_09:

I was like, no, the cross is how like I'm I think that's you four are gonna be playing a little game.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm essentially gonna be DMing it, but this is a competition between all four of you. Okay, so like somebody has to come out as a winner.

SPEAKER_05:

So it's definitely not me.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, I saw first place, second place seemed like the real prize.

SPEAKER_06:

So what I need for you guys to do first at the top of your paper, you just want to put down either WP or willpower. Sorry, I'm writing with my mouse, so this looks awful. And the number 10 next to it. Oh, guys are gonna be starting off with that much willpower. Okay. Well, nice starting off with most days. The next thing you want to do is give yourself three different real-world skills that somebody could possibly have. And that could be anything like uh good at driving. It could be uh something like well, we know one of Xenos is Bing Wiener.

SPEAKER_05:

Cooks well.

SPEAKER_07:

No, I think it's just some random things.

SPEAKER_01:

It's whatever you feel like. This must be what your test taking faces look like.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, is it imagine? I got my I have mine.

SPEAKER_08:

I have a cheat sheet that I was allowed to bring. You guys didn't bring yours.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, I brought my brain like you're supposed to.

SPEAKER_10:

Murky doesn't have one.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_05:

That's why we have to let him out at the time.

SPEAKER_09:

Welcome to the podcast. Welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_05:

Welcome to ADHD Afternoon. You've been Shanghai like me.

SPEAKER_04:

But fuck you guys for being all together beside me.

SPEAKER_07:

Fuck you. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you. You let your hand, you stupid bitch. Put your hands on the fucking wheel. You don't believe in Jesus, do you?

SPEAKER_06:

His dick ain't that big, we've seen it.

SPEAKER_05:

Call the police. I'm just driving with my dick.

SPEAKER_07:

Look, last thing we need is for ice to pull you over because you're giving them the middle finger and not driving.

SPEAKER_04:

He's been a fucker this whole ride. I have not.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, but you know what? You're in trouble. You're in trouble.

SPEAKER_04:

No more, no more nibble looking for you, not the nibble looking.

SPEAKER_06:

That's okay because that's what I got Xeno for.

SPEAKER_09:

It's gonna make you skate skirt and we're gonna get guests.

SPEAKER_06:

Skirt shirt. Uh, does everybody got their uh three skills? Yes. Sure.

SPEAKER_04:

Uh oh. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, let's go with let's go with this. Now, underneath your skills, you're gonna have to give yourself three objectives. One that is pretty easy.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

One that is pretty risky, and one that is damn near impossible. And next to easy, risky, and impossible, you're gonna put one, two, and three. So one next to your easy, two next to your risky, and three next to your impossible. So easy can be something like eat a shit ton of candy.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh risky could be something like uh trying to think something off top of my head.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh flirt with your friend's wife.

SPEAKER_01:

That sounds dangerous.

SPEAKER_06:

And impossible could be something like uh blow up a building.

SPEAKER_08:

Time travel.

SPEAKER_01:

Time travel, that's also a thing. We we'll say almost impossible. There we go.

SPEAKER_06:

Almost And once everybody's got their uh three objectives, I will finally explain what you guys are gonna be playing.

SPEAKER_10:

I have my three.

SPEAKER_00:

I have my three. Good to go.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, we're just waiting on Coco. I'm good. You're good? Alright. Let me go ahead and switch some screens around. I need this to be full screen. Alright. Gentlemen and Lena, welcome to a little game we're calling Everybody Is E. You four are the voices in my head, and you have to try to complete all three of your objectives.

SPEAKER_10:

Guys, he's on to us. We are the voices in his head.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay. Now you can do your objectives multiple times. Okay. And that's why I told you guys to do, you know, one, two, three. Each one of those is worth that point value. So you can do like your easy one as many times as you want to try to gather up more points. Willpower is essentially going to be your health for your voice in my head.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

To take control of my body, you basically have to bid willpower. And if nobody is willing to bid, I'm going to pick one of you at random. You will lose a willpower, and you take control of my body for that turn. But the thing is, is I might not be waking up in my bed. I have this little wheel here that's going to tell us where the heck we're going to be starting off this little adventure. Okay. Now the other catch is to do an action, you will have to roll a D6 and a must land on six in order to succeed. Otherwise, it's a fail, and you give up my body to one of the other voices, and that's where we'll do a bidding war. But your skills, if you do an action that's even closely related to one of those skills, you just have to roll three or higher. So, like let's say Coco put down one of his skills is good at driving. If he needs to slam my car into a bus for whatever reason, he would just need to roll a three.

SPEAKER_07:

Man, my skills are terrible. Yeah, my same. Same. Yep. Excellent.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm going to need all four of you to roll that d6. Highest number is gonna be our first voice. One. Four. Six. All right, murky is starting off as the lead voice, Murky. I wake up.

SPEAKER_07:

Okay. So you wake up in.

SPEAKER_06:

I wake up in a dumpster.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

So now so remember, Murky, you are trying to complete your goals. So you're me, you are the voice controlling me. You see that you are inside of a dumpster. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_09:

Okay, uh, first thing, because of my trait, bad eyesight. Um, I would like to make sure I have traits the three skills I possess. I mean, they don't have a skill. That eyesight is not a skill. Yeah, it's a it's a skill. I don't have dark vision.

SPEAKER_10:

Remember how we said that Merky didn't have a brain? Fuck you. You even had a cheat. He had the cheat sheet and everything, and still couldn't figure this out.

SPEAKER_09:

Blinded? Is blinded a trait? What are we doing now? Is it a skill? Is it a skill, Murky? You told me to eat inedible an hour ago.

SPEAKER_07:

I can see That is true.

SPEAKER_10:

I did tell Murky to do that. He asked me if I thought it was a good idea, and I told him it was a great idea. And he also asked me if I was gonna take responsibility for his actions, and I also said yes to that.

SPEAKER_07:

This is your response.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, well, well. Uh why don't we change bad eyesight to just uh you can spot things easily. The exact opposite, motherfucker. Decent eyesight. Decent eyesight. We'll take okay-ish. We'll go with okay-ish next time.

SPEAKER_09:

Um I would like to verify I have that ES his car keys, and I would like to look for my V.

SPEAKER_06:

So go ahead and roll. I'm gonna say that's pretty close to that skill, so you need a three or higher.

SPEAKER_09:

Um, I roll the two.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so uh you as the voice try to take control of my body, and you're like, okay, let's see if he has his keys or not. And you instead miss my pants and slap what seems to be kind of some ooey gooey mashed potatoes in the dumpster, and uh you hear the other voices run up behind you to try to take control. So we're going into our bidding war. So, Murky, you can still try to get control here, but let's see who wants to open up our bids. Do I hear one willpower?

SPEAKER_10:

Oh but uh, I wanted a I go two.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, Xeno's calling for two. Do I got three? Anybody got a three to take control of his body? Do I hear a three, three, three? Go once, going twice. Sold to Xeno for two willpower.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm down to eight.

SPEAKER_06:

Correct.

SPEAKER_10:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, new voice is taking control of my body. Zeno, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_10:

Um, are we still in the dumpster?

SPEAKER_06:

We are still in the dumpster, and our hand is in mashed potatoes.

SPEAKER_10:

And our hand is in mashed potatoes. Um, I would like to swim out of the trash. And I am an Olympic swimmer, so this should be easy.

SPEAKER_06:

Is that one of yours kills? Yes. You know, I'm not gonna contest it. Uh, three or higher, please.

SPEAKER_10:

I got a crit. So a six.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. So you're swimming around in the garbage, you feel the energy of Ronnie the raccoon soar through you, and you're just living your best life, and somehow you stumble out of the dumpster, and you realize you are somehow in the middle of you know what? I'm gonna randomly zoom into Indiana. Oop, that's the wrong tab. That is not what I wanted to zoom. And it looks like I landed on Gary, Indiana. So we're in Gary, Indiana. No, okay.

SPEAKER_10:

What hell have you got to get here? I am uh going to now make my way to Coco's house.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, so how are you going to do that? I will swim.

SPEAKER_07:

There's a river from Gary, Indiana to my house.

SPEAKER_05:

There's a river in Gary, Indiana. Indiana. I don't want to be in it.

SPEAKER_09:

He's crossing Lake Michigan.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna say I'm not going to allow you to do that. Why not? I'm an Olympic swimmer.

SPEAKER_10:

I can make it a way to get to Coco's house. I will walk to Coco's house.

SPEAKER_06:

You're going to walk to Coco's house. Please roll me a D6, and I'm going to assume you don't have any walking or running skills. I do not.

SPEAKER_10:

And I rolled a three.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. So Xeno forfeits the body. We're going to start off our bids at one. I'll go one.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll go two.

SPEAKER_06:

I got one. Do I hear two?

SPEAKER_02:

I'll go two.

SPEAKER_06:

I hear two. Do I hear three? Anybody want a bit of three to take control of my body? My fat, flabby little body.

SPEAKER_05:

I'll bid I have to have that flabby little body. I will build it.

SPEAKER_07:

Zeno's gonna fucking waste all of his fucking willpower and not get any point. I ain't wasting shit. Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, I have three for Mat Man. Do I hear four? Four for Matt and to take control of my body first.

SPEAKER_10:

No, Matt guy.

SPEAKER_06:

Sold to Mat Man, my fat, flabby body. Alright, Mat Man. You are currently standing outside of a dumpster. Your hand is covered in what is probably now dried mashed potatoes. Oh, it's all crusty. Christy. And uh yeah, you're just looking around at Gary, Indiana.

SPEAKER_07:

What a sight.

SPEAKER_05:

So I would like to do the first thing that uh I would probably want to do in Gary, Indiana, and I would like to set that dumpster on fire.

SPEAKER_06:

Do you have any skills that correlate with setting things on fire?

SPEAKER_05:

I do. In fact, I have a skill called Firestarter.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, roll me a three or higher, please.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, you didn't want to be blind. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, that is a five.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, you can also spend one willpower to add plus one to your roll. What?

SPEAKER_10:

I would have done that last time.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, I just remembered that I'm sorry. Rigged. I rolled a five. You rolled a five. Alright, so you pat down. I'm sorry, I pat down my pockets. I need to use first person here. I pat down my pockets because the voice in my head told me, start a fire, start a fire, start a fire. And uh, wouldn't you note in my back pocket I have a Zippo lighter? And that dumpster kind of already smells like a lot of bourbon to begin with. So I just fling that bad bitch in there. Catches on fire. So uh Matman, if that was one of your goals, don't forget to give yourself your points there at the bottom of your sheet. You need to keep track of those because I ain't fucking doing it because I don't know what your goals are. I will give myself two points for starting a fire. Hell yeah. Alright, so you uh started a fire.

SPEAKER_07:

What are you doing now? Matman's risky objective is way easier than mine.

SPEAKER_05:

Brother, that fire is real warm and it is making me thirsty. I would like to look around and see if there's a uh any kind of uh convenience store or even you know locked refrigerator or anything like that.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, do you have any perception skills?

SPEAKER_05:

Uh I do not, I'm afraid. All right. Usually I do. I can identify plants and animals.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't think that's gonna help you with identifying a building.

SPEAKER_05:

It won't, but I do have a perception skill. Just wanted to say.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so uh please roll me a six.

SPEAKER_01:

That is a three.

SPEAKER_06:

That is a three. Would you like to spend three of your willpower or are you going to forfeit? I'll forfeit. Alright, so we got a bid for my five labor buddy. Uh Coco, do you do you have a point you'd like to spend?

SPEAKER_07:

I'll I'll bet one.

SPEAKER_06:

Bet one? All right, murky, murky, do you want to bet two?

SPEAKER_09:

I'll throw it out. Where are we at? Where are we at now?

SPEAKER_06:

We are still in Gary, Indiana, right outside of a flaming dumpster, and apparently I'm very thirsty. I'll bet. Alright, we got two from Murky. Do I got three from Xeno? Zeno, Coco, May Man.

SPEAKER_10:

I'll throw three.

SPEAKER_06:

Got three from Xeno. Do I hear a four? Four from anybody? Going once? Going twice? I'll throw it a four. For four points. Alright, Xeno. Uh you are the voice that just took control and you are standing outside of a dumpster in Gary, Indiana that is on fire and we're thirsty. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_10:

For three though.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, you're right. I am bad at math. This is why I put sandpaper on car.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh I am I'm gonna call my friend Coco.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh how are you going to do that? With my cell phone. That is probably in my pocket.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. Uh go ahead and roll for it. Four. Do you wanna let me try that again? Do you have anything for finding stuff as a skill? No. Would you like to spend two of your willpower in order to find the phone?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so you find the phone and you look through the contacts. I'm sorry, I find my phone. I look through the contacts, and lo and behold, I see there is a uh I don't know, Coco. Do you actually want me to say what I have you down in my contacts? Or sure.

SPEAKER_07:

I don't even know what you have me down as in your contacts. Pookie.

SPEAKER_06:

Pookie. Pookie. So you scroll through and you find saggy tits.

SPEAKER_10:

I would like to call saggy tits.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, so you swipe on the phone and you're seeing the green screen. Cause I have a silly little Android phone. It's a Galaxy S1.

SPEAKER_07:

See my saggy tits.

SPEAKER_06:

You you hear it go pring pring for a few minutes, and then finally you hear a uh hello.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm gonna say, hey, nice shoes.

SPEAKER_01:

Wanna fuck? Uh yes. Yeah?

SPEAKER_10:

Alright, let's do it.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, come over.

SPEAKER_10:

You come to me.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, where the fuck you at?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh McGary, Indiana.

SPEAKER_06:

I ain't driving all the way to fucking Gary, Indiana.

SPEAKER_10:

You pick me up and then we can fuck in the back.

SPEAKER_06:

Why the fuck do like no, you come here.

SPEAKER_10:

It's part of the atmosphere.

SPEAKER_06:

I need a ride. I can't drive, dude. I ain't going to fucking Gary, Indiana. Do you know what happened the last time I went to Gary, Indiana? Bro code. Bro, there ain't no fucking bro code for Gary, Indiana.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Pick me up. Are you being me? Are you being me right now?

SPEAKER_06:

I'm trying to be you right now.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm just I just pull out the autism card and say, no, come to me.

SPEAKER_06:

You know what? Yeah. Autism card.

SPEAKER_07:

Xeno bought me that. No explanation needed.

SPEAKER_06:

Zeno, I'm gonna use roll some kind of persuasion to try to get purple to use.

SPEAKER_10:

Do you have any skills that persuasion based? No. Okay, I'm gonna need a flat six. He said he made two. Um I have white hat hacker on my skill list. White hacker.

SPEAKER_07:

White hat hacker.

SPEAKER_10:

Um so it's a real term, I promise. Yeah, it is. It's not the one that you're thinking of. Yeah, the other the other term is Oh, white hat hacker is uh like a good hacker. Like generally, they work for the government.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, typically, yeah. You know what the bad hacker is called? A black hat hacker. Yeah, you know why you know why?

SPEAKER_06:

Because racism stupid fedoras.

SPEAKER_07:

Racism. That's the only reason why you have blacklists and whitelists, because it's racism.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, uh, I'm gonna say you're not doing any hacking. You're verbally trying to hack my fucking dick?

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, I'm gonna go hack your brain. I don't need to hack your dick. It's not your brain.

SPEAKER_06:

Zeno, what did you roll?

SPEAKER_10:

I rolled a two.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, you can't even spend all your willpower, so you are losing control as the voice right now. So we are at a bidding war. Murky's already bidding one point. Do I have two? We got two from Coco. We got three from anybody. What's that, Matt?

SPEAKER_05:

I'll give three. Three?

SPEAKER_07:

Do we have a few? Do you get more willpower? Or like, is this all we have to do?

SPEAKER_06:

There is a way to get more willpower, but it's not exactly easy.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah. Well, how do you do it?

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, I'm gonna let you guys try to figure that out. Honestly.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, because I'm not betting any more than two ever, because I have set myself up for failure.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, so Mat Man gains control with three, bringing him down to four. All right, Mat Man. Uh, you are currently on the phone with Coco. I'm sorry, I am currently on the phone with Coco.

SPEAKER_07:

I haven't hung up by now.

SPEAKER_05:

No. No, and the fact that you haven't makes me very angry. I would like to set this phone on fire.

SPEAKER_07:

All right. And likes to watch it.

SPEAKER_05:

That is a four.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Uh, you toss the phone on the ground, and because it's Gary, Indiana, there's already probably likely gasoline around your feet. So you just find another Zippo lighter inside of my pocket. It just is. I flick it down to the ground and set that bad bitch on fire. Give yourself two points. You fucking lit a cigarette and blew up the air. Alright, man, man. So you just said uh I just set myself on fire. What are you having me do?

SPEAKER_05:

Um, are there any more flammable objects nearby?

SPEAKER_07:

You know what? The whole town of Gary.

SPEAKER_05:

There's a screen with a bunch of children in it. That was a six.

SPEAKER_06:

That was a six. All right, goddamn. So you look around and you see a McDonald's.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh no. You know what McDonald's always have behind them? Extremely flammable dumpsters. You're goddamn right they do. All right, I would like to set the dumpster ablaze behind the golden arches.

SPEAKER_06:

So you start walking towards the McDonald's. However, you hear wee-woo, wee-woo, and you see a bunch of fire trucks coming towards the dumpster. You just set ablaze, and now they're kind of blocking your path. What are you gonna do about that?

SPEAKER_05:

I would like to hijack the fire truck.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, do you got any skills that can help you with that?

SPEAKER_05:

I do. I have uh lockpicking.

SPEAKER_10:

But what? Uh picked way more practical skills than I did.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna say that's not gonna help in this situation. I'm gonna want to flat really lock picking a uh okay.

SPEAKER_05:

We'll roll it. You have a lot of people. I mean at a six.

SPEAKER_06:

God damn, okay. So uh you hop in that I'm sorry, I hop in that bad bitch, and pretty much like I'm feeling pretty frisky. I feel like I know how to drive a fire truck.

SPEAKER_07:

Never gonna give you a two of my skills.

SPEAKER_06:

Never we put that bad bitch in to drive and we go forward. However, uh, we don't understand how the gear shift in this works, and we just slam right into the front of the McDonald's. We're fine though. We wore a seatbelt. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_10:

We wore a seatbelt.

SPEAKER_05:

First off, is there gasoline now leaking from the fire? There's a lot of diesel just coming out of that thing. I would like to set that on fire.

SPEAKER_10:

Isn't diesel generally?

SPEAKER_05:

No.

SPEAKER_09:

Diesel fuel?

SPEAKER_05:

Uh that is a three.

SPEAKER_07:

Doesn't diesel have to be doesn't diesel have to be aerosolized to light easier?

SPEAKER_06:

To light easier, I guess, but find that out.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, I easy is it to burn? I remember watching an episode of Mythbusters. This is the autism coming back from me, and uh turns out that diesel isn't like one of the most uh easy things to light if it's just on the ground. And jet fuel is even even harder to light if it's just on the ground.

SPEAKER_05:

Can it burn steel beams? Look, uh probably is your skill fire starting?

SPEAKER_07:

No, my skill is my skill. My skill is can make TNT and concrete.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, you know what? Uh, we're gonna say you smash into the McDonald's, diesel and body parts are everywhere because you just hit the playground that for whatever reason this McDonald's still has.

SPEAKER_07:

Mind you, every time Madman set the fire, he gets two points. So I can't even win at this point.

SPEAKER_06:

I stumble out, and for whatever reason, I bump into their deep fryer and that pours over into the diesel and it just explodes. We go flying out of a window and we land on the dirt outside. So uh, what are you doing after that?

SPEAKER_05:

You know what? I'm thirsty. I would like to uh find a beer.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, uh roll me a perception.

SPEAKER_05:

Come on, sixth streak. Let's go. Nope, that's a four.

SPEAKER_06:

It's a four, so we got some bidding to do. All right. Do I hear a one? One. I got one from Xeno. Do I got a two? Do I hear a two from anybody?

SPEAKER_02:

I'll go two. Okay. Oh.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, we got two from Coco. Do I hear three? Three from anybody? Three, three, three, three. All right. It's going to Coco, Coco. Well, you finally have control. You just I'm sorry, we just got flung out of a McDonald's. Why is there? Because it exploded.

SPEAKER_01:

Column. What? There's a dick in Coco's column.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, well, you put that there.

SPEAKER_06:

No, it's a uh it's an Among Us spaceman.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh I see. Ah, I see. Uh that makes sense. Are we are we trying? Are we are we able to walk anywhere?

SPEAKER_10:

Oh yeah, absolutely. We're fine. I think you should walk to Coco's house.

SPEAKER_07:

Can I can I just walk and while I'm walking, I just I just fart.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh. Uh yeah, uh I'm going to say or is that just two, or is that two actions? We're gonna say that the walking is a passive action, but the fart we're gonna need to roll. Okay. Hello. You need to see if you shit yourself or not. Or I shit myself.

SPEAKER_07:

My only skill that could help me was can walk in a perfectly straight line.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, well, why don't we flip this around then?

SPEAKER_05:

If I get my thing, then you can have yours make sense.

SPEAKER_06:

We're gonna say you're gonna roll for the walk instead of the fart. We we just got flung around, our bowels are a little loose.

SPEAKER_07:

Alright. I rolled, I rolled a five.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, you walk in a perfectly straight line and you just tear fucking ass. This smells like brimstone. Because we had Taco Bell earlier in the dumpster.

SPEAKER_07:

All right, I'm gonna try to be like the Taco Bell in the dumpster?

SPEAKER_05:

You had Taco Bell what it was clearly a combination of Taco Bell KFC because there were also mashed potatoes.

SPEAKER_10:

Exactly. Have you seen that there's a combination Taco Bell Long John's? Yes. Why? That's terrifying. Because God asked for this. I kind of wanted it, I'm gonna be honest. I may have prayed for it once or twice.

SPEAKER_02:

A what?

SPEAKER_05:

That's how you really feel there, Lena. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, it is how she really feels.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, it sounds really, really lame, but the only play I really have is to just keep walking and farting. I'm just trying to walk my way out of it, Gary, Indiana.

SPEAKER_10:

You should probably walk towards your house, I think.

SPEAKER_06:

How about this, Coco? Is there a particular place that would be good for you to walk to? Yes.

SPEAKER_07:

I would like I would like to walk towards a movie theater.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Uh damn it. Go ahead and roll me a three or higher for the walk.

SPEAKER_07:

I've rolled a one.

SPEAKER_06:

Would you like to spend at least two of your willpower?

SPEAKER_07:

I'll spend two of them at this moment.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Now, because this is we're gonna say a 10 minutes or longer thing that we would have to do to walk in a straight line. We're gonna say that the brain goes blank for a few minutes and everybody gets one willpower.

SPEAKER_07:

Woo! Oh, yeah? That's how that works.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, the brain's gotta rest for at least 10 in-game minutes. I have to take a shower.

SPEAKER_10:

Yes, you do. You smell like I'm gonna finish this podcast in the shower.

SPEAKER_07:

Nice. Take us with you.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, that was the plan.

SPEAKER_06:

God damn. Alright, uh Coco, we're gonna say that we, after taking a little brain nap, now I gotta switch things here. Do do do Now wake up.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what? That one's not funny.

SPEAKER_07:

If I walk to the movie theater, how do I get there if I wake up somewhere else?

SPEAKER_06:

The magic. You don't there we go. I wake up in your driveway being stared down by the police.

SPEAKER_10:

Hell yeah. Finally we're at Coco's house.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, Coco, you are still in control.

SPEAKER_07:

I take all my clothes off.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, okay. Do you have any uh skills that would help you with the speed of that? Nope.

SPEAKER_05:

Just autism.

SPEAKER_06:

Nope. Alright, uh roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

Nope. Nope. Nope, it didn't work.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh any points you like to spend, or is this just a flood now?

SPEAKER_07:

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so it's going up to a bidding war. Murky is bidding one point. Me's two points. Two points for Xeno. Three. Three points for Murky. Four. Oh, Xeno wants to spend them all.

SPEAKER_09:

Go in all in. I'll let him have it all in. I'll let him have it for four.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. Just know Xeno. Uh-huh. Uh, if you lose control, you're out of the game. That's okay. Alright. So uh you are currently being stared down by police in Coco's driveway.

SPEAKER_10:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Uh who you gonna make me do? I'm gonna walk into Coco's house.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh I'm gonna have you roll for that because right now you got police following you. Six got anything. That's six. All right. So you get up somehow, you give the old 5-0 the slip, you go behind Coco's house and you uh walk in through the back door. Giggity, what's she doing?

SPEAKER_07:

You gave uh do I see Coco at my house?

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, we're we're gonna say that uh you hear him, but he's not downstairs.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm a yellow Coco, I'm here. Time to fuck.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh I I I feel like Coco would probably recognize my voice and he'd probably be like, What the fuck? And he would come downstairs. So Coco has now walked down the stairs and he's looking right at you, very confused.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh, I'm now gonna take my clothes off and present myself to Coco. Well, your clothes were already off.

SPEAKER_06:

Are they already off? I'm gonna say that, you know, uh, according to what we just spun, we woke up in Coco's driveway and we also just survived like an explosion. We're gonna say they're pretty singed. Okay.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm gonna take my clothes off.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, roll for it.

SPEAKER_10:

Tell Coco. Um, hey, police are here. I might go to jail. Let's bang it out real quick before I go.

SPEAKER_06:

I feel like Coco would actually want to try to have sex with me, so I'm gonna let you roll a three or higher.

SPEAKER_10:

Hell yeah. Five.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so I guess you are getting yourself some points.

SPEAKER_10:

Hell yeah, let's go.

SPEAKER_06:

You hear Coco go finally, and he just strips naked right there and then, and somehow just a bottle of lube is thrown down the stairs by gaz. And uh insert in game boat fanfiction here, I guess. I'm uncomfortable. That's well, you should be. That's what the lube's for. It's okay, it's the numbing loop, so you're fine. We're fine.

SPEAKER_07:

Dude, at this very moment, I have to take a massive shit, so this might be a bad idea.

SPEAKER_10:

Um I am now gonna call Murky. Uh, how? Uh with my phone. My cell phone. Your phone gonna blow Coco's fucking idiot. I'm gonna ask Coco for his cell phone so I can call Murky.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh I I feel like at this point Coco would let us do it. So we're gonna give you the free pass there. You you call Murky. And I'm actually gonna let Murky be Murky so he actually has a chance to talk here.

SPEAKER_07:

Hey Merky.

SPEAKER_10:

I was too autistic for me to be here. Murky, it's it's E, your friend.

SPEAKER_09:

What you doing, Boo-Boo?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh, I just had sex with Coco. That's hot. Did you film it? Uh, we didn't. And that's why I'm calling you. Okay. So I need you to come over here and film it as well as be a part of the orgy. Because I might go to jail. This might be our last chance.

SPEAKER_09:

I'm drunk. I can't drive.

SPEAKER_10:

Have Dusty bring you.

SPEAKER_07:

This is so accurate.

SPEAKER_10:

She's gonna be mad. She'll be mad. She can just hang out with gas.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, they can have sex.

SPEAKER_10:

But is it like comfy better than sex with Coco and me?

SPEAKER_07:

I mean, no. I think you made an argument against coming to my place with that.

SPEAKER_10:

Like, you should just come over and have the sex. There's door stop! Do I get superpowers? I'll give you sloppy toppy. Who knows? Switch might show up. Switch might show up too. We're gonna call him next.

SPEAKER_09:

If Zeno, can we make sure Xeno doesn't come? Because we could have a world's biggest dick competition or just a big dick competition and see who wins.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, Xeno's not invited. Zeno's not invited. We can do that. But you gotta come over to bang.

SPEAKER_09:

We got a ruler. Right now I'm using my uh oh no, never mind.

SPEAKER_10:

This is not this is a skills for Coco's got a measuring tape that goes up to three inches, so it should be all we need.

SPEAKER_03:

Clay.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah. Clay. So you're coming over?

SPEAKER_09:

Uh just drink.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, but then you come over after that. Like it's a long drive, so you have to wait a lot because you have to cover it.

SPEAKER_07:

It takes 45 minutes for him to get to my place.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, well, we can just wait for you here. And meanwhile, Coco and I are gonna keep banging, so like might be dried up by the time you get here. So you might want to put pedal to the metal.

SPEAKER_09:

You normally smoke it a little bit, like they're gonna arrest me.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, Zeno, I'm gonna need you to roll me a six. And hard to see if Murky's coming. Six suck it! Alright, uh, you convinced Murky, he probably gets tired of having this backhand.

SPEAKER_10:

Fuck you. No. You're coming over and having sex.

SPEAKER_05:

Alright, but now he understands what experiences are for.

SPEAKER_06:

We hear knocking coming from upstairs, and we uh we know it's the police, they're looking for us. We know it's the police. What what are you gonna do in this situation?

SPEAKER_10:

Uh, do you have any weapons in your house? No. Why not? Because he has the keyblade.

SPEAKER_07:

Because I would be a but I would be a detriment to myself.

SPEAKER_10:

Um I'm gonna go to the kitchen and I'm gonna grab the biggest knives I can find.

SPEAKER_07:

Why don't you just answer?

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, uh roll me for a perception. I'm gonna need a six.

SPEAKER_10:

Perception?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, you're looking.

SPEAKER_10:

Oh six.

SPEAKER_07:

This is bullshit.

SPEAKER_10:

Getting the getting alright.

SPEAKER_06:

So you find the biggest knife that you can possibly find in the drawer, but uh gas is just let the police in and they see you holding a knife.

SPEAKER_10:

Yep, and you're gonna attack them.

SPEAKER_06:

And you're fully butt-naked, probably with a little bit of a second.

SPEAKER_10:

I'm gonna attack them, and I have a blade master skill.

SPEAKER_07:

There's no way I get to anything as naked and not get in trouble now.

SPEAKER_06:

Three. All right, you stab one of the cops in the throat, and the other one looks on in horror as you pull out the knife and stab it right into their eye.

SPEAKER_10:

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_06:

Gaz is now screaming in horror as Coco is running up the stairs naked and limping.

SPEAKER_10:

So you're saying that Coco was the bottom. Oh, we switched. Oh, okay. I'm gonna look at Coco and say, You want to fuck again?

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, you know what? That's gonna have to be uh persuasion. Roll me uh six. Yeah, I rolled a one. Womp, womp. Zeno is now out of the game. So this is now a bidding war between murky, cocoa and mat man. We got one point from murky. I'll go two. Got two points for Mat Man. Do I got a three, three points from anybody? Three points from Murky. Do I hear four?

SPEAKER_05:

Let's do four.

SPEAKER_06:

Four points from Mat Man. Do I hear five?

SPEAKER_07:

I'll throw five. You don't have points, dumb motherfucker.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Matman, you just uh came into the brain of E, who is completely naked, just had sex with Coco, and uh is probably covered in blood right now from the two dead police officers.

SPEAKER_10:

Also just came in Coco. Yo. There's probably Coco coming me too.

SPEAKER_05:

Coco rejecting my second sexual advantages. Advances. Advances words. Um, has made me angry. And now I want to word down his house.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay. Uh you know what? There you're in this kitchen. There is liquor there. So uh remember.

SPEAKER_10:

There is a lot of cardboard boxes, too.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10:

A lot of fuel.

SPEAKER_07:

There's a lot of fucking laboo boos just sitting everywhere. You could set those on fire too. That's three.

SPEAKER_06:

So you just start grabbing liquor and just pouring them all over the different laboo-boos. You take a candle that gas somehow lit and just toss it on top of the biggest laboo-boo. And it just turns into a mushroom cloud in there. Or I leave. Can I grab a beer?

SPEAKER_07:

I don't have beer at my house. Joke's on you. There is beer in your house. What do you mean? Oh it's in the pantry. We have beer in my pantry?

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh fuck. Put it away. I didn't even know that.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, do you have any kind of like quickhand skills there?

SPEAKER_05:

Uh no, I can lockpick, identify plants and animals, and start fires. Well, then you need to roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, Matman burned down our house.

SPEAKER_05:

Here we go.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, Matman burned down the house. And you watched, you watched, also watched uh Xeno or Busy Locate controlling E stab a ball.

SPEAKER_06:

You somehow over to the pantry, you grab yourself a beer, you jump out the window, gloss out the hair. Also, also I had so bad now, and uh you're outside holding a beer naked, covered in blood, and sin.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, the cop cars. Let's set the cop cars on fire.

SPEAKER_07:

Did you guys hear any of that?

SPEAKER_06:

So you chuck a beer. Wait, no, uh, roll roll me a three or higher. It has to be three or higher. That's another six. You chuck the beer at the cop car, and uh somehow you shit out a Zippo lighter again and chuck it at the cop car and set it on fire. How it got up there, it's probably Coco. Yeah, yeah, at this point.

SPEAKER_05:

That's the the best bet. Um okay, so now the cop car's on fire. Um Coco's house is on fire.

SPEAKER_07:

Gaz is upset that we're homeless now. She wouldn't do good on the streets. Direct quote from her.

SPEAKER_10:

I wouldn't do good on the streets.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, let's start walking to the strip club.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, uh me as six or higher. Yeah, it's four. Well, you can't even spend that one point. So uh voices is up for grabs right now. Do I have one? We got one from Murky. Do I got two? Two from Coco. Do I got a three? We got three from Murky. Do I got four? Okay. Murky finally gains control again. Finally. All right. So you are in front of Coco's burning house next to a burning cop car. You are butt ass naked, covered in blood, holding a knife.

SPEAKER_07:

Also, Murky's driving to my house right now.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_07:

You're not me now. No, but like you are driving to my house because of the phone calls.

SPEAKER_09:

I'd like to stay outside, and when Murky arrives um with my smooth talker skill, I'd like to challenge him to a penis measuring contest.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, he murky here. Six. God damn.

SPEAKER_06:

So uh you convince yourself to do a penis measuring competition. Because you know what? You had a few Jack and Cokes on the way there. You're like, you know what? Fuck yeah, let's see this. And a beer.

SPEAKER_07:

I don't want to say I don't want to say this is lore accurate.

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah, so I got three pins for the contest.

unknown:

Oh god.

SPEAKER_09:

Are you gonna have sex? That's one of my goals.

SPEAKER_10:

And a world is very important if they have sex.

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah, and a big cock competition and win, and he's definitely beat me, so you're gonna have sex though.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so you just had a penis measuring competition with yourself. Uh what what next?

SPEAKER_01:

Um remember what you're there for.

SPEAKER_00:

I would like to do the sex.

SPEAKER_09:

Oh yeah, I mean, I definitely you know, yeah, I'd use my smooth talker to try to fuck.

SPEAKER_08:

Alright, who you have and have another penis measuring contest.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, we're gonna say you have to do the penis measuring competition with somebody new that isn't you.

SPEAKER_09:

Oh, I'm gonna drag out Coco's carcass and measure it.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so uh Coco's only uh house is on fire.

SPEAKER_09:

I mean, did he get out? Yeah. Well, you killed all my cats.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, we're gonna say the cats are fine. However, you need to run into the burning building to find Coco. He hasn't made it out yet.

SPEAKER_05:

Brutally murdering cops is fine.

SPEAKER_06:

I've never had a line with the so do you have anything that would help you look through a burning building as a skill? Uh Pokemon Master.

SPEAKER_07:

Get the fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_06:

You know what? Coco is probably trying to grab all his Pokemon cards. I'll allow it. Three or higher. Three. God damn. So you run in, you know exactly where Coco's office is, you start booking it upstairs through the smoke and the fire and everything else that uh Dragon Force sang about, and whoop boom, there's a buttass naked Coco trying to save all the Pokemon cards in his room.

SPEAKER_09:

Uh, I'd like to uh yellow Coco penis measuring competition. I win, and then I'm gonna kick him down and steal all the cards so I can have a completely awesome card collection, which will then give me two points.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so let's start with the first one. I need a three or higher to convince him for the penis measuring competition.

SPEAKER_01:

Six.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, so you fully convince Coco to do the penis measuring competition, but it's not that hard because his dick was already out and so is yours, so you can kind of do a side by side. Give yourself those three points. But uh, do you have anything that's good for uh pushing or shoving as a skill?

SPEAKER_10:

No, he has fucking blind and Pokemon Master.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna need uh six.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, that's a one. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_06:

You could spend five points to get the point.

SPEAKER_09:

I'm sorry, uh five willpower. To get the two points for the card collection.

SPEAKER_06:

Yep. Or you can uh bring this up to a bit.

SPEAKER_09:

Alright, you know what? Yeah, go ahead. We'll spend the five.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. So uh as Coco is looking between our junk, we pull a uh Cobra Kai, we sweep the leg, he falls down the stairs. Pokemon cars go everywhere, but as that's happening, we're just picking them up left, right, and center, and we uh book it out of the building.

SPEAKER_09:

All the EX's. Um on the way out, can I get Coco's keys? Because you know, we obviously I've been to Coco's, I know where he keeps his keys at.

SPEAKER_07:

Or does he keep his keys? No, you don't! They're in a different place every time. Even I don't know where I keep them.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna need a six.

SPEAKER_01:

Damn.

SPEAKER_06:

Damn. Three. You could spend the last of your three points to try to get those keys, but if you fail again, it's over. I hope I'm gonna hold off there. Alright, we got a bidding war going on. Do I got one point to control me?

SPEAKER_07:

I'll put one in. Fuck it, I'll get one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, alright. Matt Man's at one point. Do I hear two? I'll put two. Alright, we got two points. Do I hear three? Alright, Coco's got it with two points. Woo! Alright, Coco. Uh, you are currently in the middle of your burning house as me, completely naked, covered in blood, and singed a little bit while holding a knife.

SPEAKER_01:

I walked to work.

SPEAKER_06:

You walk to work?

SPEAKER_01:

Yep.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, three or higher.

SPEAKER_07:

Wrote a five.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. I'm going. Wait, you work from home.

SPEAKER_07:

No, but it's you.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, it's me. That is right. Okay.

SPEAKER_07:

Also, my house is burning down, so I don't work from home anymore.

SPEAKER_05:

You work from the streets now.

SPEAKER_06:

There we go. It's gonna take a little longer than 10 minutes, so everybody but Zeno gets restored one point. Oh Zeno is out. Ooh, this man. Fuck you. Alright, so it took you a few hours, but you're finally down there in good old uh Elmer's auto body collision center repair thingy. What you doing? Do you just dox yourself? There's plenty of those. Man, there's a lot of places called that.

SPEAKER_07:

Nearby where we're talking about other city names. Never know. Um, I just do my job. What is your job? Edit that out.

SPEAKER_09:

Edit that out, Kogo. Do your job.

SPEAKER_06:

No, I'm not editing anything out. Do you do you have any skills that help with the job that I do? No. Do you know what I do? Uh you do something with paint.

SPEAKER_05:

Take sandpaper to car. Yes. That is true. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_06:

Do you have any skills that would help? You put sandpaper to a car.

SPEAKER_07:

I have can make TNT, can pour concrete, and can walk in a straight line. Do you think I fucking have anything?

SPEAKER_06:

No, roll me a six. No, roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, guess fucking what, bitch. It's a six. And if I was and did I get in trouble for going to work and doing my job naked?

SPEAKER_06:

Uh, I feel like our boss, I say our because Xeno works with me, uh, would probably be very concerned.

SPEAKER_10:

He would be very concerned.

SPEAKER_06:

But uh, I feel like he's gonna look the other way because uh, you know what? He's just glad I showed up today.

SPEAKER_07:

Good. That's fucking I got three points. Everybody showed up for three points for going to work naked. Fucking Christ.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, so uh, you know what? The work day's over. We worked the whole day naked. Somehow we did not sandpaper off our own wiener, and uh, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_07:

I'd like to fucking end the day off with a nice, relaxing, loud fart.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, uh, run me a six or higher.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, fuck. That's a one.

SPEAKER_06:

Ooh, you could spend five points to try to get it. Okay, it is up to a bidding war. Do I hear a one? We got one from Murky, we got two from Mat Man. Do I got three? Going once, going twice. All right, Mat Man. If you fail a roll, you are out of the game. So uh work days over. You are standing outside, dark ass naked, covered in blood, probably still holding a knife. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_07:

It's now no, he left the knife in his toolbox. He's got two tools now.

SPEAKER_05:

So uh you said I'm at home? No, you are outside of work. Okay, so outside of work. All right, set that place on fire.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, roll me a three or higher. The four. Uh your bloodlust just goes crazy. You walk in, you knock over all the stuff on Xeno's desk, and for whatever reason, he just has a box of matches there. You happen to flick one, set it on the ground, walk away, as you see the flames start to trickle up. We're gonna say that uh nobody really catches the fire, and uh the whole place goes that's fucked.

SPEAKER_10:

There's a lot of stuff that's very flammable inside of that shot. Yeah, yeah, there is.

SPEAKER_05:

Uh what else seems flammable around me? Oh goodness, no rework. Sorry.

SPEAKER_07:

Give a very detailed picture so that somebody can find it on Street View.

SPEAKER_10:

There's a grocery store down the street.

SPEAKER_06:

There is a grocery store just down the street. There's a new apartment complex literally across Bro, you guys have given a name near the rental center.

SPEAKER_07:

There is a rental center. You are literally doxing yourself. There's also a park that's you know just a block away.

SPEAKER_10:

There's a salvation army.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm going up fucking burning up the salvation army.

SPEAKER_06:

There's also a uh homeless shelter like a few blocks away.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Not going that far. Can't can't bring myself to that. But the salvation army, that place is going up.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, we walk down to the salvation army. Uh, you see that there's a couple of people in there shopping and whatnot. What are you doing? Um lighting something on fire. Okay, we're gonna say it's the donation bin to start with.

SPEAKER_03:

Go ahead and roll me to your higher.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh uh one. Oof. Matman is out of the game. All right, we got murky, we got Coco. Starting the bit off with one. All right, I heard Coco first. Murky, do you want to bid two?

SPEAKER_09:

We'll bid two.

SPEAKER_06:

We bet two. Coco, do I hear three? Nope. All right, murky takes control of my buddy. You are outside of the salvation army holding a knife, naked, covered in blood, probably a little poo.

SPEAKER_01:

A little poo. You know, butt sex with Coco. Oh, okay. Um I would like.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, god dang it. So uh you walk in, you do a squat in the middle of one of the aisles, and you need to roll me a six or higher.

SPEAKER_09:

I want it on the actually on the counter. Well, I threaten the cashier to give me the money, and I want to use smooth talker to do it.

SPEAKER_06:

Give me that money, or this shit's going on you next. Okay, so you're you're trying to rob them, you're threatening them with shit, roll me a three or higher.

SPEAKER_09:

Shit's a powerful weapon. That's the monkeys. That's a two, actually.

SPEAKER_06:

That's the monkeys. So you could give up one willpower to make this successful. Yeah, yeah, we'll go one. Alright. One last. So you successfully threaten the cashier by pointing our ass straight at them and throwing it them with just a stream of shit. They give you all the money in the register, which isn't a lot because it's a salvation army.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_09:

I got I guess I have the equivalent of like$23.

SPEAKER_06:

It was probably like$25 change.

SPEAKER_00:

What what did you get?

SPEAKER_01:

$25 for some change.$25.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. Is there any telling where that$25 came from? Uh the the register? Okay. Damn. I'm not gonna push this further. I'm already, I'm good.

SPEAKER_09:

Um uh see if there's anyone I can uh run up and I'm just gonna throw dollar bills at people and say dick contest, and because they're in jeans and it's like tucked in, I'm just gonna assume I win all the wiener contests. How many people are in the Salvation Army?

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, we said there was like four people in there. So uh roll me a three or higher.

SPEAKER_09:

Like four four competitions here. Oh off the desk. Uh three.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, go ahead and give yourself that uh point. We're gonna say that you convince one person to do it. You're gonna need to do it three more times to try to convince the other people.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, another roll still at three.

SPEAKER_09:

Yep, still three. We're trying to smooth talk the next one. That's off that's a two on the ground.

SPEAKER_06:

You could give up your last willpower in order to get that point. I'm doing it. We're going to we're fucking betting high. Alright, just know if you failed this next one. You're out of the game, and Coco is the last voice.

SPEAKER_09:

I just get six turns in a row. I have four I have fourteen points right now based off just big dick competitions. And I got to do that. Alright, yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't think we're going for right here to be six. Alright, give yourself those points. You got one more person. Roll me a three or higher.

SPEAKER_09:

Um, I'd actually like to light this last person on five.

SPEAKER_06:

Wow. Okay. That's gonna have to be a six.

SPEAKER_09:

That's a six. Yeah, hell yeah. Let's go.

SPEAKER_06:

You feel the voice of Matman whispering behind your ears, going, set him ablaze, set him ablaze. You knock him down somehow, since it's salvation army, they're drunk there, anyways. There's vodka behind the counter. You splash this motherfucker with vodka and set him ablaze with his own fucking cigarette. And uh you uh stand above a burning body. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_09:

Walk out of the salvation army. Okay, you do so. Light the salvation army on fire.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Roll me a six or higher to set the whole place on fire. One murky out of the game. Coco, you are the last remaining voice.

SPEAKER_07:

Does that just mean I do six turns in a row, just one each?

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah, pretty much. We just gotta not fuck up, so that's gonna cost you all your points at once.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh so each sale will cost you one point.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, pretty much. Uh so I would like to just walk back to work where there once was a building and just walk there while I'm naked. Does this does that count as not getting in trouble and going to work?

SPEAKER_06:

Uh I'm gonna say the we said that the work day was over.

SPEAKER_07:

I say go to work naked and don't get in trouble. So just going to the work area count.

SPEAKER_06:

Um you know what? You're gonna have to make your way inside the building.

SPEAKER_07:

Okay, well, I'm gonna open the the fucking door and walk in the burning building that's that's probably still there at this point.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, uh, roll me a three or higher for your walk straight.

SPEAKER_07:

I rolled a three.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright. So you walk in, uh, you are buttass naked at work, and uh you're not getting in trouble because uh there's nobody there to get you in trouble.

SPEAKER_07:

All right. Uh would you say that I could make TNT out of my fart, like as an ingredient? There's gotta be other stuff I can use. Turkey's got a gallon of milk. There's gotta be other stuff I can do. Would you say a fart is an ingredient in TNT? Like methane or some shit like that. I'm really stretching.

SPEAKER_06:

Neither methane nor Sidon is death that I pushed over.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm really stretching for this one, Matt. I see.

SPEAKER_06:

You know what just gets you some points, we'll we'll say yes.

SPEAKER_07:

Okay, well, I'm gonna fart really loud and collect the methane to make a DNT bulb.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, uh, roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

Uh it did well, uh, did not did not work. I got a one.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, that's gonna drop you down to a five. You can try again.

SPEAKER_07:

Uh no, I'm gonna how how close is the movie theater to where I'm at? Um if I were to walk to a movie theater, would it would it be longer than 10 minutes? Or at this point, are you just gonna let me walk to the movie theater?

SPEAKER_06:

I'm just gonna let you walk to the movie theater at this point.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm gonna walk to the movie theater.

SPEAKER_06:

Alright, you have walked to a movie theater.

SPEAKER_07:

Alright. Gonna go watch a movie.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, so they try to stop you at the door because uh you're naked, kept in blood, holding a knife, and there's a little bit of poop on your dick. Uh you need to try to convince them to let you in.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm cosplaying as that new character from that new movie.

SPEAKER_06:

Roll me a six, because I know you ain't got persuasion. Uh I rolled a four. You can spend two of your points to make a spend two of my points. All right. So your willpower is now at a three. Uh they're just kind of like, oh, uh new Five Nights at Freddy's movie. Yeah, I'm pretty I'm pretty sure there's an animatronic that looks like this. Uh yeah, come on in. So uh you walk in, you uh buy yourself a ticket, you sit down in the theater. It's uh it's a little chafy. They're the new reclining seats that are made out of that fake plastic leverage. Roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

I rolled a fucking six.

SPEAKER_06:

You do so. You just uh let out the wettest sounding possible fart, and a little poop comes out, and you just sit in the chair the whole time.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh my fucking Christ. Uh I and then I fuck okay. So I leave the movie theater uh after that. All right, uh, and and I do so with my ass now covered in shit. I try to leave let out the biggest fart and try to like, you know, get the shit to spray everywhere while I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_09:

It's gotta be really like hippopotamus or shit.

SPEAKER_07:

I was just about to say like one of hippo shit. Yeah, like that. It's gotta be roll me a six. Uh it's a it's a four, so I would like to spend two to just do that.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. So you are down to one point now. I still think one will power point.

SPEAKER_07:

I still think I'm very far away from this.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, so there's just shit everywhere in this fucking parking lot now.

SPEAKER_07:

My only play is to just keep farting at this point and hope I roll a goddamn six. Otherwise, I have to go back into the movie theater and shit in another seat. Or I gotta go back to work.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, what's your plan here?

SPEAKER_07:

I've gotta fucking let out another fart. I'm trying to blow a crater in this parking lot.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, I roll me a six.

SPEAKER_07:

It's a four! So I can't, I can't, I can't increase it, but I can use my last point to keep going. And I'm gonna try one last time to shit or fart so fucking loud that I blow this movie theater off the ground.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm telling you, if he rolls a six, it's gonna be like Xeno's basement all over again.

SPEAKER_07:

Yeah, it was a one.

SPEAKER_06:

It comes out like alright, everybody. Please tally up your scores and let's hear what you got.

SPEAKER_10:

Fucking.

SPEAKER_06:

We're gonna start with Xeno. Zeno, what you got?

SPEAKER_10:

I have one.

SPEAKER_06:

All right, Zeno only has one point. Murky, what you got?

SPEAKER_07:

Uh I got 17.

unknown:

What?

SPEAKER_06:

17? God damn.

SPEAKER_07:

And what? That beats me.

SPEAKER_05:

Let them win all those big dick contests.

SPEAKER_09:

Yeah. My impossible, nearly impossible one was enter big cock competition and win. Slash, I did put slash spiderman powers afterwards because I made Xeno.

SPEAKER_01:

You got the wrong autistic. I'm sorry. Coca, how many points do you have?

SPEAKER_07:

I have I have ten.

SPEAKER_05:

And Matman. I have 15.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh. Alrighty, so that means Xeno gets absolutely nothing because he came in fourth.

SPEAKER_07:

Matman gets the best.

SPEAKER_06:

He is a loser. Nice. I think Mercury should get two points deducted for having you get a crisp high five Coco.

SPEAKER_09:

Pokemon Master and Spoo Talker were good.

SPEAKER_07:

Your other skill was I have eyeballs. That can't see so well. That can't see. I wear glasses. What a speech.

SPEAKER_06:

My skill is technically right with that. I do wear glasses. Uh Matt Man, you get your favorite candy.

SPEAKER_07:

Arguably the best prize out of everything here.

SPEAKER_06:

Well, Murky, you are gonna get a sad hand job from our listener, Flarha.

SPEAKER_07:

Behind a Denny specifically. Why is your hand movement so fucking accurate there, Murky? Do you have practice with that?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah. What do you think he did with Xeno? I don't think I can do that.

SPEAKER_09:

Sometimes you gotta pay rent, you know, and you ain't got the money. You ain't got the money.

SPEAKER_07:

That's fucking wild. I don't believe it for a second because you know what?

SPEAKER_09:

I cover it and Bill call crazy. It fucking works every time. Dude, I thought you lit. I thought you listened to it.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, I think I know what Batman's objective was. Yeah. At least set things on fire. Setting things on fire. Or is your easy one? Get a beer. I feel like you I feel like set things on fire was much easier for you than getting a beer. I didn't have any skills to help me get a beer.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, by the way, uh, small little retcon. The uh cop that you stabbed in the eye was actually switch. He was dropping in for a surprise visit because he heard there was gonna be an orgy, and uh he was thinking somebody from the village people.

SPEAKER_07:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh my god, you killed switchy. You know, I I I had a little bloodlust, I'm sorry. Fucking Coco will do that.

SPEAKER_10:

Well, my skills were Olympic swimmer, white hat hacker, and blade master. Uh I'm sure you can guess what my one objective was. Uh the easy objective was to bang Coco.

SPEAKER_06:

You put that as your easy?

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, because you know how easy it was to bang Coco? I you used a lot of points to get there. I showed up at his house and he wanted to fuck though. And then uh the risky one was to bang E. Um, because Shannon would get upset about it. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_07:

Bang yourself?

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

You why didn't you just have to masturbate? Masturbation.

SPEAKER_10:

See, I didn't know that we were playing this game before I fucking wrote out my intention.

SPEAKER_05:

We did not know. We did not know.

SPEAKER_10:

Uh and then the the object. Doing me, then the impossible objective was banging murky. Why was it murky? He's a prude. You don't put it out for anybody.

SPEAKER_07:

I get hang on, let me let me back up. I was gonna say you, but again, you didn't know that you were gonna be E in this scenario because banging you would have been the really hard task.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah. Uh I was thinking from my perspective, banging Coco is easy. Coco wants to bang me. Yeah, my banging E is risky because E does want to bang me. However, Shannon would be upset, and it could ruin both of our lives. Banging Murky is impossible because he's fucking a prude and won't give it up.

SPEAKER_07:

Man, my skills, my skills were can walk in a perfectly straight line, can pour concrete, and can make TNT.

SPEAKER_05:

I can pick blocks, start fires, and identify plants and animals.

SPEAKER_07:

I think you guys were your objectives. My objectives were fart really loud, uh, shit my pants in a movie theater and sit through the whole movie. Uh, and then also go to work naked and don't get in trouble.

SPEAKER_06:

Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. You're Risky was shit your pants at a movie theater.

SPEAKER_07:

Well, let me put it this way: I shit and I sat in it.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, but it wasn't risky.

SPEAKER_07:

I'm still in second place or third place. Xeno had one point.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, that's fair. I'll still let you.

SPEAKER_07:

I go down to eight. Whoop de fucking doom. I'm still third, guys. Wow.

SPEAKER_09:

So I had messaged E before, and I was like, so I made Sean. I made Xen now.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, when I was reading, I was like, oh no.

SPEAKER_09:

I was like, so I made Pokemon Master, Smooth Talker, and yeah, bad eyesight. Whatever. Glasses equipped. Bad eyesight. Or my my easy goal, which should be an easy thing to attain, is own a car that's not been in an accident. Yeah, it should have been easy.

SPEAKER_07:

Own a car that's not in an accident.

SPEAKER_06:

You should actually give yourself an extra point there, Murky, because I do own a car that has not been in an accident.

SPEAKER_07:

So 18. Are you sure about that after Madman started setting everything on fire?

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, but he didn't set my car on fire.

SPEAKER_01:

Needed. I see. I hope your hand is ready for what Murky's about to give it.

SPEAKER_06:

And uh Madman, I'll be sending you gummy bears pretty soon.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah. Give them the sugar-free ones.

SPEAKER_07:

I feel like runner up. I feel like runner up was the way to go in this one.

SPEAKER_06:

Well Coco, next time I see you, you get a crisp high five. I was gonna get that anyway.

SPEAKER_07:

You're gonna next time I see you, I'm gonna forget that this even happened, and you're just gonna give me a high five, and I'm gonna be like, okay, cool. You go into the uh the uh the New Year's thing at Murky's. I don't know if he invited you. He did. Yeah. Okay. They just nobody looks at Facebook.

SPEAKER_10:

So they actually didn't see the invitation until I told E about it.

SPEAKER_07:

Oh, yeah. Well, everybody learned, Dusty learned that nobody looks at Facebook for events.

SPEAKER_10:

Yeah, I didn't either. The only reason I knew about it is because Krista told me about it.

SPEAKER_07:

Murky was like, You coming to my place for fucking New Year's? And I was like, Yeah, if I'm invited, and he's like, Well, yeah, we sent the invite out, and I was like, What the fuck you mean? I see no invite, and Dusty's like, well, I said it on Facebook, and I'm like, ah.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, you're telling me this motherfucker didn't invite me.

SPEAKER_10:

That's crazy. Shut the fuck up. It's like Dusty didn't invite you.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, I'm not even on Facebook. It's wild. That's your wife, and she didn't invite you.

SPEAKER_10:

Well, your wife didn't invite you. That's fucked up. Yeah, get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_04:

I go screen craft throw up now.

SPEAKER_10:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00:

Alright, well, I think we actually five thousand hours.

SPEAKER_07:

So is Farha gonna reach out to me for the handy? Bro, I'm still waiting for a family portrait from Farha. Do you remember when it like before he stopped streaming where he did like the deal or no-deal stuff? Oh yeah. I never got my fucking reward from that, which was um he was gonna get like a painted family picture of him, KK, and uh his wife, and I he was gonna send it to me, and I was just gonna have a family painted portrait of Farha hanging up in my house.

SPEAKER_10:

That's pretty fantastic.

SPEAKER_07:

It's been two years and I haven't gotten it yet. So, Farha, if you're listening, I remember. Anyway, I think that's enough for this episode. We've we're at like an hour and 20 minutes. We never go this long. So goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.

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