ADHD After Dark
ADHD After Dark is the unfiltered podcast where a group of hilarious dudes with ADHD gather to talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. Brace yourself for an explicit and comedic rollercoaster ride, as we dive into the depths of randomness, pushing the boundaries of humor and edginess.
In each episode, we unleash our unapologetic, off-the-cuff banter, sharing outrageous stories, wild adventures, and side-splitting anecdotes that will keep you laughing throughout the night. No topic is off-limits for us—whether it's outrageous personal experiences, taboo subjects, or exploring the more intimate and risqué aspects of life, we bring a refreshingly audacious and humorous perspective to it all.
ADHD After Dark is your escape from the mundane and predictable. Join our crew as we navigate the uncharted territories of comedic chaos, reveling in the freedom to explore the untamed corners of our minds. We embrace the spirit of After Dark, where the content can get explicit, sexual, and edgy—pushing boundaries and challenging social norms with a healthy dose of laughter.
While we may not always offer informative insights, we guarantee an uproarious time filled with absurdity, spontaneous conversations, and unabashed humor. It's a podcast that's not afraid to go where others won't, creating an inclusive space for individuals who enjoy unfiltered comedic escapades.
So, grab a drink, kick back, and immerse yourself in the unapologetically hilarious world of ADHD After Dark. Warning: explicit content ahead—tune in at your own risk, but be prepared to laugh your way through our zany adventures, spontaneous tangents, and unabashedly funny discussions that defy convention. Welcome to the wild, comedic chaos of ADHD After Dark.
ADHD After Dark
S4 E4: The Urethra PSI Experiment
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What happens when drug dealers have a violent disagreement at a sex party in the same London mansion where Bonnie Blue set her 1,000+ encounter record? That's just one of many bizarre tangents we explore in this wildly unpredictable episode.
Starting with a narrow escape from law enforcement involving a stolen-then-recovered vehicle, we quickly veer into territory that no GPS could navigate. Gaming enthusiasts will appreciate our heated debate about Monster Hunter luck distribution (spoiler: Zeno has all of it), complete with tales of extremely rare drops and photographic evidence of a disturbingly accurate Lord Farquaad character creation.
The conversation takes unexpected scientific turns when we consult AI to determine exactly how much pressure the human urethra can withstand (approximately 6-7 PSI, in case you're curious). We also discover the world's oldest living llama is spending his twilight years bringing joy to chronically ill children – though our dark humor imagines he might be yearning for retirement of a more permanent nature.
Personal stories abound, from childhood claims about dinosaurs and Jurassic Park vehicles to planning our upcoming group pedicure session. We reminisce about gaming classics like Turok, Doom, and GTA3 while debating the tactical advantages of various bathroom defense strategies. And yes, we somehow manage to work in a celebrity sighting at "the shittiest bar in town."
Ready for an audio adventure that combines pop culture, scientific inquiry, and completely unhinged speculation? Hit play, but maybe use headphones if you're in public – we can't be held responsible for the strange looks you'll get when you inevitably burst out laughing.
Twitter - https://twitter.com/DarkAfterAdhd
Opening and Body Shop Mishap
Speaker 1what? Yeah, oh, he said bring back lynching earlier today.
Speaker 4Whoa, that was what you corrected it to after you said lynching not factual you're lying and coco even said he's like oh, they'll definitely believe me if I say this. Yeah, you guys are believing me.
Speaker 2Now I'm fucked yeah, did you say that Coco?
Speaker 1I did say that, but he also did say what he said. I was like you know, it's kind of fucked up, even though you really said that I could fucking lie about this and they just don't believe me. No, we were talking about the politicians and how they're all dumb and he was like you, what we should bring back Public lynchings. And then like three seconds passed and he was like hang on, let me take that back a bit.
Speaker 5That sounds bad, I'm not racist Public executions.
Speaker 1I was like Murky's fucking mouth moved before his brain thought about what the consequences were.
Speaker 3You know what? That happens to me a lot yeah for sure, how's it?
Speaker 2going. How's it going? Everybody Doing okay, Getting over being sick, yeah you still sound a little sick.
Speaker 2I'm a little bit. I got a little stuffiness. Flu is no joke. Don't like, don't likey.
Speaker 2I hear a funny story of something that could have happened to me and the shop manager yesterday. Sure, so we work at body shop. Obviously we have a vehicle in the shop that was a theft recovery and as part of the repairs we need to take it to another shop to have an alignment done on it. We drove the car over there, I drove, and as part of the repairs we need to take it to another shop to have an alignment done on it. We drove the car over there, I drove in a chase vehicle to pick him up so I could bring him back to the shop.
Speaker 2When we got back to the shop got a call from city police department because the one of the traffic cameras picked up the license plate and determined it was stolen. So they contacted the customer and was like hey, you driving your car. And they're like no, but we did get it back. It's at a body shop. And they're like cool, we would have pulled them over because you did not report that your vehicle was no longer stolen, you retrieved it. So now we need to go put eyes on it to get it off of the vehicle stolen like report, otherwise you can get pulled over and people probably won't believe you that your car because you didn't have this like taken off the record so could have gotten pulled over. Or shop manager could have gotten pulled over at a interesting conversation with police officers why he was in this vehicle that was reported stolen that apparently happened with my mom and dad.
Speaker 1Um, when they had a, they had their corvette stolen back, way back before I was born. And uh, apparently the ohio state police pulled them over for a stolen vehicle because they forgot to take it off the list and uh, pulled my dad out of the car via shotgun to his uh, to his back, nice, and my mom was just. Her first reaction was like what the fuck did he do while I was at work? It wasn't, it wasn't anything like he was innocent or anything. Her first reaction was like what did this man do?
Monster Hunter and Lord Farquaad
Speaker 1yeah, that's pretty funny oh whatever it is, I believe it uh, he and I gonna play some. Uh, I don't, I don't, we don't have a thing scheduled, but we're gonna play some of that. Uh, what is that? The repo game, repo, repo. Are you still free for that? E, I should be. We should probably make a thumbnail and post it and do stuff. It's like two days away, or we can always just do it like Sunday. It's up to you.
Speaker 3We'll figure it out.
Speaker 1So, zeno, how have you been enjoying your Monster Hunter?
Speaker 2I have played so much Monster Hunter. It's unreal.
Speaker 1Murky seems to hate you for playing Monster Hunter.
Speaker 2It's not, I don't.
Speaker 4I don't hate him, he's a sore loser. I don't hate him for playing monster hunter. I hate him for the extravagant amount of luck that he has while playing monster hunter. If he was that lucky all the time, he should live at the casino because he'd be a millionaire. Yeah, that would be pretty sick it would be you want to.
Speaker 1You guys want to hate something equally as much.
Speaker 4I hunted gypsorose nine times and did not get a bird wyvern gem. If Xeno does that, he gets 11 bird wyvern gems.
Speaker 2I literally showed him the other day of my Gore Magala hunts. I have like eight of the rupees Just in one day from hunting them.
Speaker 4Out of this world.
Speaker 1You guys want to hate. A fucking cursed image from monster hunter sure. I don't know. I think Zeno's seen it already, but it's gonna go into the ADHD after dark chat. This is my hunter profile, oh yeah yeah, I've seen that Coco.
Speaker 3Why don't you explain this image?
Speaker 1yeah, so I made Lord Farquaad in Monster Hunter and, uh, the perfect representation as I could and uh, yeah. So he's lying on his back with his hands behind his head and he's got this creepy ass smile with his square-ass fucking jaw and huge fucking chin. Yeah, it's definitely not meant to be creepy at all, but Zeno opened it the other day and he was just like oh, show me your naked body. Whoa, that's what he said.
Speaker 2I did say that he did say that you turn in Wow what a fucking.
Speaker 5What a timing.
Speaker 1What's up Switch?
Speaker 4You can hear more sound bites like that.
Speaker 1You can't hide on the podcast at this point, because your sound alert came in.
Speaker 5He's like you have to say to yourself, about yourself, for yourself.
Speaker 1One of those words All right, good answer.
Speaker 2Good answer. Good answer, good answer.
Speaker 1Good answer.
Speaker 5Good answer, good answer Good answer Good answer, good answer, good answer, good answer.
Speaker 4Good answer. Good answer. Oh, you're dicking my ass that happened too, Change, change, change, fucking.
Speaker 1Starting a goddamn revolution because we sent a murder ghost after somebody. It's fucking wild. You ready for the spooky devil? You ready for the next session when we?
Speaker 2all probably die. I don't know. I'm nervous.
Speaker 1I think we killed the one person that was probably a problem by me accidentally sending murder ghosts after him.
Speaker 4I don't know. I feel like we killed the strongest adversary, we killed their best combatant without fighting him.
Speaker 1I'll take that as a W.
Speaker 4Now I feel like it's just like crowd control.
Speaker 3Yeah, Lubon can do that. For our listeners. They're talking about our Curse of Strahd campaign that we're playing in.
Speaker 5The three of y'all just started talking and'm pretty sure like anybody listening so this is adhd after dark.
Speaker 3They're supposed to realize we just talk about random shit well, yeah, we also play porn games, but we haven't done that this season my favorite part of that e was you berating all the kitchen staff yeah, gordon.
Speaker 1Ramsey, gordon Ramsey, berating the kitchen staff dude had a fucking PTSD flashback too. Oh fucking crazy. You fucking berated the head chef, the guy that was in charge, and he didn't know that there was a boss above him. You scared him so much that he thought he now had a boss.
Speaker 4I mean, you think about it if I'm a chef who's like, if I'm under 6 foot tall. You scared him so much that he thought he now had a boss. I mean, you think about it If I'm a chef who's like, if I'm under six foot tall and I have a fowl goo who, I'm guessing how tall is he? Eight foot, yeah, eight feet tall, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to be intimidated First off.
Speaker 1What if?
Speaker 4what if he?
Speaker 1was what the chef obviously wasn't but like. Gordon Ramsey wouldn't. He'd be fucking like where's the fucking duck sauce? But whatever it is lamb sauce lamb sauce. It's fucking raw, it's fucking raw.
Speaker 3No, I just feel bad because when we were probably in the last 20, 30 minutes of our session, my Adderall was out of my system at that point and I was crashing. I was going non-verbal, I was like I don't want to say anything. I I didn't want to like move, but so is life when you're trying to take, you gotta get some of that extended release stuff, unless that's what you got, uh it's what I supposed to be on.
Speaker 1Either that or you might need something later in the day you might need something later in the day to uh get you through the evening that could also be a thing so I'm not off.
Orgy Mansion Stabbing Incident
Speaker 3Talk to the doctor about it, I'm sure. Oh. But speaking of doctor, three people were stabbed in an orgy sex party brawl at the same mansion. Bonnie Blue did over a thousand dudes in.
Speaker 5What.
Speaker 3What is?
Speaker 5this what.
Speaker 2I was walking through the shop earlier and he just stops me, he goes oh hey, there was a uh stabbing slash, uh drug dealing at the orgy and I was like at the orgy, oh okay you immediately knew what he was talking. He's like yeah yeah, he was like, I thought, you just know I, I just learned that you want to elaborate a little bit for our listeners absolutely so.
Speaker 3Uh, the same mansion that bonnie blue rented out to do over 1057 dudes in one setting. Uh, they were having a sex party there and there was a bunch of different drug dealers there selling their wares as drug dealers do she has wares if you have coin. Uh, so there were several drug dealers and sounds like a fucking ditty. Yes, some kind of disagreement happened to break out and disagreement somebody stole somebody's got stabbed non-fatally like they.
Speaker 3They're not going to die, they're going to be fine. They went to the hospital, got patched up, but uh, I guess this was all hosted by a dude who called himself Lord Eddie Davenport. What so Lord Eddie Davenport was putting on some orgy and he got in a bunch of like drug dealers to kind of help keep this like fueled cocaine driven sex party going. And I've learned because it was just one of those you do a quick little Google search to be like okay, that's a unique name. Like is this guy like an OnlyFans dude or something? No, he evades his taxes. He is a tax fraud dude. That's why he's famous. He doesn't pay his taxes and like, people have been after him for a while because of it. And I guess this all happened in England, of all places. I thought it would happen here in America.
Speaker 4No, but it's all the orgy happened in central London, so the chick got railed in London, yeah, central.
Speaker 3London 1057.
Speaker 4Okay.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, I mean, that makes more sense.
Speaker 4I feel like that's like a Nevada thing.
Speaker 2Nah, that's definitely a London thing.
Speaker 4Those Europeans, they're fucking sex maniacs over there, dude, okay, that's fucking wild. I would have thought Amsterdam before London.
Speaker 2I could see that. I could see that, like London's, just like Chicago, there's freaky people in Chicago.
Speaker 1You're freaky people.
Speaker 4There do be freaky people in Chicago. You're freaky people, I do be freaky people in Chicago.
Speaker 1Switch is freaky people.
Speaker 2But she do be freaky.
Speaker 1She's super freaky, she's a very freaky girl the spooky devil yes, the spooky, spooky devil, yes. Well, that's fucking interesting.
Speaker 2Yeah, that was a pretty good lore drop you hit me with earlier today. I was like did you hear?
Speaker 1on the topic of Bonnie Blue, I saw a headline that she's doing a new sex stunt, and it's just old men in nursing homes.
Speaker 3Oh no, community service is community service at that point.
Speaker 1Sure Okay, I'm helping them out.
Speaker 4I'm on the way out, let me have this. I gotta get to my room.
Speaker 1I gotta get to my room. I just imagine the fucking old dude, the fucking Stan's fucking grandfather, in South Park. Hey, murky knows exactly what I'm talking about. I just imagine that.
Speaker 4That's what's happening at that point to like support for the old people to support themselves. Like does she have to? Like put her legs like through like a square of, like a walker kind?
Speaker 3of she bounces her ass so grab, but not have the walker in the way what if, she like, designed a special seat for her to sit in for them, so that, like they? Can hover the walker over while her legs are spread.
Speaker 4Yeah or even like a wheelchair thing, maybe, like just drive the wheelchair right up and then just lower the mechanism after she has the child that she's now with you know before for a limited old guy green pies before limited old guy.
Speaker 1If she moves her hips up and down too quick she's going to break their hip.
Speaker 4We change cream pies to come cocky or come cake Damn.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, he's drinking some cum cake oh yeah what flavor of cum cake. Is that?
Speaker 2it's butter pecan cream soda butter pecan cum cake very delicious.
Speaker 4You've had that in your fridge since the last time we noticed that on podcast, haven't you?
Speaker 1I have yeah that wasn't that long ago, so drinking non-alcoholic beverages no, oh, speaking of which Coco?
Speaker 3yeah, obs check has it crashed.
Speaker 1I'm not using OBS. I'm using a dish audition. We're not even recording video anymore oh, we're strictly audio yeah, figured let's just too much sexy's, just remove OBS. I think, because OBS just keeps crashing you motherfuckers never joined the fans Lee.
Speaker 4Yeah, too much sex appeal.
Speaker 1I'll show you some sex appeal hey yo. I'll show you my butthole hey yo.
Speaker 4What.
Feet Pics and Pedicure Plans
Speaker 1Don't fuck your Garnivore plush. It's not here yet, otherwise, otherwise, yeah, I mean there's a werelord back there. You want me to install a flashlight in this blowhole? Cocoa you already already sewed in pockets, yeah, I'm gonna put a flashlight in that's fucking blowhole dude. Then when I come, it spits water out the top. Too gross?
Speaker 1we're gonna put a fucking, then when I come, it spits water out the top too gross we're gonna put a fucking, a little fucking compressed air fucking thing at the bottom too for some special effects. It's a little messy, especially because I'm. It blows nut everywhere blows nut all over your ceiling yeah that sounds awful.
Speaker 4The air pressure is way too high fucking, fucking, blows my dick off.
Speaker 1It goes off while I'm fucking.
Speaker 4It fucking blows my dick off, oh god well, it's like if it's high enough, you think it would just enter your urethra and like, blow your dick out like a fucking hot dog in the microwave, do a little sounding get a bigger dick.
Speaker 1I just can't go too bigger. The skin starts splitting. I don't like it. I feel like it wouldn't do anything to the dick and your bladder would just explode maybe if you're.
Speaker 4I mean, I guess it depends on what kind of psi your urethra can take I don't think it's a lot dude. I mean just how much pierce is like close to it if it say, like you got a pocket pussy.
Speaker 1I know, I know I'm not you're fucking, I know I'm not gonna get through that. I know I'm not gonna get this answer if I do a Google search. But let's ask Gemini, how much PSI can a urethra take?
Speaker 3Oh God.
Speaker 1Let's see what the AI says.
Speaker 3I kind of don't want to know the answer but I guess we're kind of trying to do that.
Speaker 5You kind of do.
Speaker 4Well that's because it goes into depletion. I'm asking the AI. Well, that's because he was into deflation.
Speaker 1I'm asking the AI.
Speaker 4Let's see what it gives me. What do you want?
Speaker 1Oh boy, hang on. It is important to understand that the urethra Is a delicate structure and applying excessive Pressure can cause serious injury.
Speaker 1There is no PSI limit, as tolerance varies between individuals. There's no cap. Normal urethra functioning involves a certain level of pressure to prevent involuntary urine leakage. Measurements are typically recorded in centimeters of water, not psi. To give some context, one psi is equivalent to 70.3 centimeters of h2o. Medical texting. The pressures can reach 300 centimeters, so 70 divided by 300. I'm surprised it didn't give me that like in a uh in a thing, but that's probably what. Like 6 or 7 PSI, so not a lot yeah.
Speaker 4so I guess it boils down to would you rather have exploded microwave, hot dog dick or Hindenburg, a million pieces bladder, and which one would be easier to repair in modern?
Speaker 1medicine If your bladder's gone. Obviously the bladder's going to be harder to repair. You're not sure they got fake bladders the solution for fixing the solution for fixing your dick is if it's too damaged, cut it off and then you live. Blow up my bladder, okay anyway, so.
Speaker 3I'm positive news after all that that I learned today yeah, did you test the limits of your bladder?
Speaker 1I've done that before with kidney stones.
Speaker 3All that that I learned today. Yeah, did you test the limits of your bladder? I've done that before with kidney stones. Which one would you prefer?
Speaker 1Well, he knows what a blown up bladder feels like what is a prosthetic bladder?
Speaker 4I mean, how hard is that to put in?
Speaker 3It's just gotta be a balloon at that point, right.
Speaker 1Just go grab a plastic bag from Costco and stick it in you.
Speaker 3But positive news I learned today the oldest llama on the world. Guess how old it is 69 years old. No, it's not 69, but it's older than 16. 42. No, no younger than 42. Younger than 22 25 27. I mean, I guess, three times, to be fair it is currently living out the rest of its life at a camp for chronically ill children.
Speaker 1To just kind of help them have a good day and I was like you were going to say it has cancer or some shit like that.
Speaker 3No, it's just an old llama and he's living out. He's been living at this camp for a few years now and he just helps out kids with chronic illnesses. I'm like, fuck yeah, llama, yeah, after the whole, you know, hot dog in the microwave, dick thing you're gonna tell this story two weeks from now.
Speaker 1We're gonna heal to hear the llama kicked a kid in the head and killed him.
Speaker 4Either that or fucking sniper took him out thinking more natural causes, but I don't know who's sniping a llama.
Speaker 1People who listen to this podcast could happen.
Speaker 3Feel like they. They wouldn't snipe a poor elderly llama at that point, like he's lived a long life, just let him go out you know he's.
Speaker 1He's probably thinking damn, I've lived a long life. Please, fucking let me go.
Speaker 4Every day I yearn.
Speaker 1How do you know? He's happy Can he talk Every day.
Speaker 2I yearn for death.
Speaker 4These goddamn kids coming out and pulling my yes, that is what I said. These goddamn kids coming out and pulling my hair. They're spitting every time they're talking. Piece of shit.
Speaker 5I spit on them every chance.
Adam Driver at Hometown Bar
Speaker 4I get. But my mouth can't produce much spit anymore because I'm old jesus christ oh, these kids, these kids, today is gonna be fucking just mentally unhinged. Bring a switchblade and kill me and make a statement. I'm gonna thank him, I'm gonna bless him and his family.
Speaker 2He's ready to go, dude nice, that time it, that time we can turn anything awesome into terrible.
Speaker 1That's our job.
Speaker 4It's a good thing I'm glad this elderly llama is helping children. I don't know why I turned it into one.
Speaker 1I took it too far.
Speaker 3I took it too far.
Speaker 1Is he going to be hunting monsters right now?
Speaker 2no, I'm looking at gear.
Speaker 1I mean you got the game up.
Speaker 3I do yeah yeah he and switch has the game up switch.
Speaker 1I didn't expect to be here at the podcast. To be fair, to be far.
Speaker 4I had a whole segment to talk about his dick, and now I can't switches actually please do.
Speaker 2I can't, why not he's here? Act like he isn't here. Weird corkscrew thing to him he's a duck.
Speaker 5How about this?
Speaker 4he sent me a bunch of pictures of it and I was like whoa, that's like duck dick.
Speaker 2I've seen his, I've seen one of his balls, and that's it yeah, I've seen his ass that is true twice because apparently I was the only one paying attention to switch walking away and he pulled his pants down all I'm saying is we're all gonna be in the same house at once in about a month from now.
Speaker 4It's gonna be pretty crazy walk around naked in Coco's house it's gonna become a nudist colony.
Speaker 1We just all walking around with our dicks fucking hanging out. Let's be real, the only person whose dick's gonna be hanging is Zeno's everybody else is gonna be fucking well supported.
Speaker 2I feel like one of their balls.
Speaker 3Zeno's actually going to finally show it to everybody, but it's just gonna be a massive fucking bush that's covering everything you've got the grass tower. Can we like that scene from uh harold and kumar? 3?
Speaker 2the king of the jungle has to have a forest to reside in.
Speaker 1You know yeah jesus, fucking christ alright I've never heard that.
Speaker 4That's a good way to put it just a giant tree that's a power move. That's a good way to put it. Just a giant tree. That's a power move. That's a power move oh, here's something that happened yesterday.
Speaker 3For you nerds, a cheeto shaped like the beloved pokemon charizard is auctioned for $87,840.
Speaker 1I hate it when food gets auctioned because it just happens to look like some pop culture thing. That thing gets wet. It's worthless.
Speaker 2I still have a Mew cookie like the Oreo cookie, because they were being sold for hundreds of dollars when they first came out, because it was so rare.
Speaker 1How much is it now? I don't know. Let's look it up.
Speaker 3Probably not a whole lot. I'd know, let's look it up. Probably not a whole lot.
Speaker 1Is it like protected, or could rats have gotten it?
Speaker 2Oh yeah, there's a listing for $5,000. But there's also one for $10.
Speaker 1That one's got mold on it. That one's got mold on it $300.
Speaker 4I could easily sell this for $100. It's hey bag. A couple hundred bucks off this.
Speaker 2I could easily sell this for $100. It's just sitting in a drawer.
Speaker 4In a bag, in a Ziploc bag $20,400.
Speaker 2Somebody sold it for.
Speaker 1Let's see.
Speaker 5It sounds like you got $20,000 somewhere in your house. Can you?
Speaker 1visit site.
Speaker 2Let me see how frequently you know, it sounds like you got $20,000 somewhere in your house.
Speaker 4Right, I'm moving back you visit site.
Speaker 1Let me see how frequently just buy the neighbor's house and connect them this one's been only handled with gloves.
Speaker 2Uh, seller does not accept returns. Imagine that.
Speaker 1No shocking you return it half eaten. It was damn.
Nostalgic Video Game Memories
Speaker 4How long ago do these cookies come out, oh, I kind of want some Oreos and milk in a few months.
Speaker 5I feel like that's been a minute, like some time, since the couple years.
Speaker 2I would say, yeah, a minute I feel like it's been quite some time since the couple years I would say yeah Doesn't show me how consistently they've been sold. I thought eBay did.
Speaker 3Well go search on.
Speaker 1TCG players see if they have any fucking new cookie for sale, Do you guys see? Taco bell does like a fucking uh cheese.
Speaker 3taco, a fucking apple presentation for all of their new fucking menu items that they're adding.
Speaker 1I did yeah I got on the taco bell tiktok and it was just presentation after presentation with some guy giving Steve Jobs intros to fucking like new Taco Bell tacos, we've hit the we say beef on every other fucking item We've we've hit the pinnacle of cheese technology. The cheese is now the taco.
Speaker 2I'm seeing a lot of listings for this cookie for $150. I could just undercut the market for $100 $125.
Speaker 1I could just put it out there for $20,000 and fucking be done with it that'd be cool will the pack of Oreos cost you $7?
Speaker 4fuck, I don't know now you've got real life. Rng too. Go fuck yourself.
Speaker 2This was Biden administration, so the cookies were probably $5.
Speaker 4What is it about sucking dick that makes you wake up?
Speaker 1I mean, he sucks his own dick, so that's what wakes him up.
Speaker 2I can't suck my own dick. I guess I shouldn't say that I don't know that I've tried.
Speaker 5That's a lie.
Speaker 4I might be able to in my back so fast.
Speaker 1I don't think Zeno would have very much of an issue trying to suck his own dick Cause it's so fucking large. You're right. That's why I was like surprised that you immediately said I can't suck my own dick bro you can just sit there laying on your bed and your fucking dick head is going to come up in your nose.
Speaker 2If you fucking roll the wrong way. It does happen sometimes, you know. Get that morning wood, smack myself in the face and wake me up.
Speaker 1I'm like because it's always in your face when you sleep, so you can't deal with your own dick smell.
Speaker 4Just like cuddling your own Like teddy bear all the time. He's got a full fucking body pillow.
Speaker 1He doesn't have to buy a body pillow, it's attached to him.
Speaker 4Oh god, that'd be funny as shit, thank god we've dedicated the last five minutes Talking about Zeno's dick.
Speaker 1That's what we always do. I love it. You're spreading the truth out here.
Speaker 4Thank, God, we've dedicated the last five minutes talking about.
Speaker 1Zeno's dick. That's what we always do. I love it, you're spreading the truth out here Spreading something Ayo, ayo. Well Now what Nothing cool happened recently.
Speaker 5I feel like some cool stuff.
Speaker 1Besides the fact that the trade war is on. Or is it off now? No, it's on, it's on full force. I thought he rescinded it already now, I don't know no this is why murky said bring back the public lynchings executions. Well, you corrected to executions, you did say Executions is what I said the first time.
Speaker 4That's not true For sure.
Speaker 1Everybody.
Speaker 4And uh yeah, dude, I want to know why everybody's net worth is way higher than anything their yearly salary could ever be Every single politician.
Speaker 1Where's your money?
Speaker 4coming from.
Speaker 1That's all. It is dude.
Speaker 4That's all it boils down to. I'd have that greed If I was at that kind of level and had that kind of money in my face. Dude fucking, who wouldn't crack?
Speaker 2But that's just got to go away, the money's not going to wouldn't, because I already got a big old dick. So what else do I need?
Speaker 4right, yeah, you would usually know, is the fucking 0.01 Zeno, we're gonna come break into your house or I take everything you're fucking worth you piece of garbage which is mostly just my day.
Speaker 1You got money and a huge dick like that's everything I've ever wanted you ever thought about getting that thing modeled and making some money off of selling sex toys shaped like your dick?
Speaker 3he doesn't need more money too.
Speaker 1I think he could Zeno's now thinking about looking into it. I've seriously considered doing feet pics look if somebody's willing to pay for feet pics. I don't care. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2I don't give a fuck if you jerk off to my fucking feet you wanna see my two or three red end of my toes.
Speaker 1The other two look normal you like longer short toenails, you got no shit.
Speaker 5Like you want them painted, I don't give a fuck. Nobody else is gonna see them.
Speaker 4I will FedEx you these toenails so fast yeah, I was like, dude, I would.
Speaker 2I was telling a co-worker yesterday. I was like I would 100% sell a pair of socks for like 10-15 bucks and he's like, yeah, but like you would lose money. I was like, no, because a pair of socks 10, 15 bucks. A pack of socks of like three sets of socks is like 20 bucks. Maybe fucking money come rolling in and people are gonna pay more than 15 for a pair of socks too I'll give you 100 bucks for one sock sock.
Speaker 4If you can get my socks, you can guarantee the stank will stay.
Speaker 1I do not want your socks. I've smelled your feet.
Speaker 4Nobody does, they are fucking terrible.
Speaker 1Nobody does. Let me take that back.
Speaker 4Let me roll that back. There are some sick fucks out there who might want my socks.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, they're juicy. They fucking put that in their fucking teacup.
Speaker 2Should. Yeah, they're juicy. They put, they fucking put that in their in their fucking teacup should we be calling our audience throw up?
Speaker 1instead of using tea bags, they're using your socks they put the tea in your sock and they use your sock as a tea bag but should we be calling our potential new target market market?
Speaker 2disgusting though the fucking feel, like I feel like they're actually.
Speaker 1I feel like they want that point yeah, if you're fucking making your tea, bag your tea with your tea inside of murky socks, you're want to be called disgusting you're at a different level they're aware of what they are they know what they're doing.
Speaker 2There's no hiding it.
Speaker 4Maybe you're right. That's a very derogatory statement in the book.
Bathroom Defense Strategies
Speaker 2I think we should all start selling feet pics and reconvene on this in like a month or two months and see who's selling the most feet pics.
Speaker 1Maybe that's an exciting thing we can do for the podcast the autistic man's feet.
Speaker 2Let's go to feetfinderscom. We'll all make accounts and start selling feet pics so you can bring in the most dough.
Speaker 3I'm going to put honey on my feet, I feel like I need to get a pedicure.
Speaker 1You're going to put honey on your feet.
Speaker 2You guys want to go get pedicures together. Hell yeah, let's do it next month. Yes, I do, let's do it next month.
Speaker 5Let's do it next month, okay, I'm so down, I am so down. All the girls are going to be like, where are you guys going?
Speaker 2We're just going to be like uh, pedicures.
Speaker 1Why are our feet are getting touched, yeah.
Speaker 4I couldn't do. I just be grabbing the handles just trying not to laugh and kick a bitch in the face.
Speaker 2Dude was just trying not to laugh and kick a bitch in the face. I've gotten two in my life and it was very difficult to stay still, because I'm very ticklish I might be. It was tough, you're right. Leigh kept asking me she's like you okay? And I'm like it's just ticklish. She's like okay, that's fine, I fine, like okay, let me do it harder. Yeah, she's like we stop now and I was like no, it's okay, just keep going. Did she? Did she speak?
Speaker 1uh, let me kick you in the face a different language, while she was, while you were being tickled oh yeah, she was 100 percent shit oh yeah, she was looking at? She was looking at her fucking partner over there. She was like hey, watch this, you fucking squirm and you had no idea.
Speaker 2That was funny shit.
Speaker 1You ever see those TikToks or videos where people go to those places and they're shit talking them, but the person actually speaks the language and they didn't think that. They're like, excuse me, and then they start talking the language back to them and they're like, uh, uh, oh, uh, oh, that's not good, I have fucked up now.
Speaker 4Those are always fun see, I walk into a place and they look at me and they're like well, we don't have to worry about that happening they're like this this fucker barely understands his own language this stupid fuck fucking lubong when he walks anywhere well, no, cause I felt bad the first time I went. Cause like she's using the one cheese grater and she switches to the other cheese grater and she switches to the other cheese grater and then she starts hollering how bad are your fucking feet. I got work at man's feet, homie.
Speaker 2I work at man's feet, these things are calloused Beat up.
Speaker 3You need to put some work at man's feet.
Speaker 4She went in the closet and they had to look for this thing for a second. They bring out like like cheese grater comes out like the holy light of dead skin eating, god hits it. And then they bring it over and this thing's fucking aggressive, like huge, like a cheese grater, like the pan style cheese grater, but the curls on them are huge. I'm like you guys are gonna fuck me up with it.
Speaker 1Murky hit the upper limit of attachments for the cheese grater.
Speaker 4They then proceeded to fuck me up with this cheese grater dude.
Speaker 2You feel fucking great after you're done For two days.
Speaker 4Like, even if I wore shoes too long, it was like my feet got tender. I'm like god damn dude, how much skin did you take off?
Speaker 1they probably took all the shit off.
Speaker 4That was yeah, all the shit that needed to come off. Well, if I walk around soft carpet, that was the most relaxing oh, dude it was fucking like a dream.
Speaker 2I remember when, um, I went to I was going to do get the pedicure done. I was taking a vacation with the next girlfriend at the time and this guy that I worked with. His name was Garland, which Murky probably remembers. He's this bigger black guy, nicest guy ever, but like he's. Yeah, I remember talking to him. He's like what are you doing on vacation? Like you got any plans or whatever. And I was like, hey, you know, girlfriend wants to go get pedicures. He goes dude, I'll tell you right now I fucking love that shit. Don't you let anybody tell you that's some pussy shit, because they ain't ever had that shit done before, because they ain't fucking man enough to fucking do it. So you don't let anybody fucking tell you you can't do that shit. I was like, yeah, yeah, you right, I ain't gonna let nobody tell me I can't do it. He goes dude, that shit feels so fucking good. I'd be doing that shit all the time with my girl. I was like, fuck, yeah, dude, it was a good time.
Speaker 1He just left in the middle of that story.
Speaker 2Well, in the middle of that story, while he's still listening.
Speaker 1He's a bitch.
Speaker 2He do be bitch material, though Big big bitch.
Speaker 5He's a big, big bitch. What makes? You guys say that he's a bitch, because he doesn't have the good luck in Monster Hunter.
Speaker 3Well, I don't have good luck in video games either, but it doesn't mean, I'm a big bitch.
Speaker 1You don't play video games with us anymore.
Speaker 3No, because you guys aren't playing games I'm interested in. I want to play with your wiener.
Speaker 2Oh, I'm interested in that game.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So, uh, when are we doing that?
Speaker 1Mergy, I can't believe. You said that I was fucked up I'm intrigued that's pretty. What?
Speaker 3what you're intrigued about well, I mean where he said he was going to put it sounds interesting.
Speaker 2Oh, I guess I'm interested in how he would do that. Yeah suppose that's not super weird, it's not?
Speaker 4You don't have to blank out anal destruction, coco. You don't have to block that out, it's fine.
Speaker 1Everything's fine. Oh Okay, I must have misheard what you said Are you sure?
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yes, I'm the new number one order of johnson's baby oil.
Speaker 4I'm sorry you're what I said, instead of diddy, I'm the new number one orderer of johnson's baby oil I thought I heard diddy in there.
Speaker 1It's all for you, guys.
Speaker 4I'm prepping for next month I'm going to show up with like three backpacks on, like one around the front and two on my back, and they're all going to be just stacked.
Speaker 1You're going to have to at this point. You might as well go to England and rent out that mansion and do something wild with it at this point, you guys could do it with a bunch of old women a bunch of old women think of the money and the exposure you could get for the podcast there would be exposure there would be exposure.
Speaker 4I don't know if that's the kind I want to fuck with you're right, you're right eh sounds awesome yeah, I don't know we have
Speaker 1like at least 20 minutes left.
Speaker 4I don't know if I can do that. You don't know what. I don't know if I can go that long.
Speaker 2I knew you're usually like a one pump chump wait are you talking about sex or the podcast?
Speaker 4that would never happen. That's impossible for any.
Speaker 1I still want to know what murky was saying I can't go that long, for were you talking?
Speaker 4about a thousand women, okay, yeah that's, yes, exactly what I'm talking about. Like there's no possible way.
Speaker 3Anybody in the lester gaggis con you can't do it well, I mean, he didn't do all those women at the same time.
Speaker 2I bet he would've right. He had the ability to, I'm sure of it you put respect on Genghis. Khan's name right now. Fucking Genghis.
Speaker 1Genghis Khan got a Genghis cock.
Speaker 4I'm sure he did fuck, he's slinging that thing. That's why he won all the battles. They were just intimidated off the bat. They saw that dude give their speech. They were like whoa yeah that's why.
Speaker 2The military. It's like a fucking war crime, some shit, I don't know what.
Speaker 1Is that Little, the Littles the Littles, said attention now. Oh is that little? Yeah, the littles, the littles the little, said attention now, please, I need it, needs it.
Speaker 2Kate has been super aggressive with his attention lately.
Speaker 4Same thing with me, just like flops on me, king.
Speaker 1I think it's because you're too far away from your mic.
Speaker 4King's old age is making him the same way.
Speaker 2Ma Could be.
Speaker 3What are you doing Making?
Speaker 5his kitty dance.
Speaker 1Making his kitty dance. Making his kitty dance.
Speaker 4I make Murky's kitty dance, if you know I'm lying damn yeah, we'll just make the last 20 minutes us hitting on each other perfect yeah so funny story from murky and I's hometown.
Speaker 2Adam driver showed up at a random hole in the wall bar last night at the shittiest bar in town.
Speaker 4The shittiest bar in town.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 4The shittiest bar in town. I get a fucking Snapchat from Buddy's wife in our group chat at a quarter after 11 on a Wednesday. First I'm like who's at this shit bar at quarter after 11 on a Wednesday? And it was Adam Driver.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm fucking crazy, adam Driver. Yeah, fucking, crazy.
Speaker 4Wow, yeah he is from our he is from your neck of woods. Yeah and yeah. He was just at the shittiest bar in his hometown on a random Wednesday night.
Speaker 2It was good for him. You know Right, he was probably like you know what, I fucking got drunk there before I was anybody. I'm gonna go check it out and everybody respected him.
Speaker 4I would definitely ask can you do the fucking?
Speaker 5SNL.
Speaker 4I want the SNL skit from medieval times. I want the SNL skit when he is the father on parent fucking job day, whatever. I can't think of what they call that career day.
Speaker 2Career day, your parents come in and tell him what they do and he's like an oil baron my parents never did that because my dad was the only never did that because my dad was the only worker in the house.
Speaker 4My dad was at work.
Speaker 2My mom wasn't around and if my dad did that, then you know we weren't bringing money into the household because you know my mom didn't work my school never did career days no, my school never did career days, no, no because they were smart enough.
Speaker 4No, motherfuckers were working.
Speaker 2I just remember telling my classmates that my dad worked on the Jurassic Park vehicles because when Jurassic Park 2 came out they were doing a tour of that like trailer that went off the cliff in Jurassic Park 2. And at one point it broke down and they actually had the repairs done at my dad's shop and so my dad like had us come down to the shop so he could show it to us. And I remember him telling me like, oh yeah, to the shop so he could show it to us. And I remember him telling me like, oh yeah, this is the one that fell off the fucking cliff. They brought it to us to fix it because they got to go get more dinosaurs or whatever. Like this is fucking so cool, hell yeah. So I kept telling my classmates. I was like, yeah, my dad works on all the vehicles from Jurassic Park Because you know they're the only ones that can handle the dinosaurs and he's totally seen a dinosaur before.
Speaker 2He said he's going to bring one home someday. I'm going to have a Velociraptor as a pet Did he ever bring one home. That bitch no.
Speaker 1Damn.
Speaker 4Unfortunately not Another disappointment from our childhood.
Speaker 2Yeah, fucking lied to me. There were no dinosaurs on that goddamn trailer. I should have known there wasn't.
Speaker 1I would have heard them.
Speaker 2They would have responded to my dinosaur calls dude.
Speaker 1Can you give us one of those dinosaur calls?
Speaker 4I played so much Dino Crisis on the PlayStation 1 to be ready for that moment. Dino Crisis fucked.
Speaker 2Dino Crisis was the shit.
Speaker 3Absolutely fucked man. You know what else fucked Turok?
Speaker 4Turok was the best Dude. Don't even get me started on Turok, dude. Turok was the shit. Turok. This year it was pretty cool N64 Turok was the shit.
Speaker 2Yeah, it was pretty cool N64 Turok was the best N64 Turok was the shit for sure who got me started?
Speaker 4was like early 90's fucking PC, but it was 1999 and Doom was out and my dad's best friend at the time. But it was 1999 and Doom was out and my dad's best friend at the time, his oldest son, who was like 10 years older than me or like 8 years older than me, some shit He'd start PC and we'd play Doom and he'd put in all the cheat codes for me and I could just fuck with the nail gun for fucking hours. Dude the best.
Speaker 2Do you guys remember? I don't remember at all what the name of this game was. I remember it being on pc and I played it at a friend's house because I didn't have a pc at my house because we were broke bitches. Dear honor. But no, it was like a dinosaur hunting game and I just remember you would like select a dinosaur that you wanted to hunt and you would pick a weapon and then you like went out into the wilderness to hunt this monster.
Speaker 3But it was like old school minecraft, fucking graphics, kind of shit dinosaur hunter I couldn't tell you dinosaur game that I vaguely remember because it was at my aunt's house. She had a macintosh, but I remember it was like this 3d dinosaur game where you're like running around trying to pick up eggs or something before like a volcano goes off or something. Yeah, I don't remember that, but like I always remember that game from time to time and I'm like what the fuck was that.
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't know what that dinosaur game was either. May never know.
Speaker 4Grand Theft Auto 3. Breaking into the car dealership, stealing the Banshee, after you already put in R2, r21, r2 left out, right up, left out, right up, got all the weapons and then you went unlimited money and unlimited health and the armor yeah indestructible vehicle naturally vehicle fly code.
Speaker 2I used to do the vehicle fly code and the vehicle float or vehicle drive on water code and I would fly my vehicle into the water and then land in the water and fucking drive away and be like fuck you, you, cop bitches you ain't gonna get me.
Speaker 4I was doing the tank and just turn my gun around and use my gun like a fucking accelerator.
Speaker 2That was the best that's some fucking shit yeah good times, the true awakening.
Speaker 1That was the best.
Speaker 4That's some fucking shit that's fucking wild. Grand Theft Auto 3 is the true awakening.
Speaker 2I played more Vice City than I did Grand Theft Auto 3.
Speaker 4Luckily I had a brother that was six years older than me and who had that on PS2 and was like I'm gonna play this when nobody's around. And then I was fucking hookers and using RPGs to blow up shit.
Speaker 2And actually, what are you supposed to do?
Speaker 4those guys are fucked up because then you can kill the hookers and get your money back. I swear to god that was a mechanic in the game that explains a lot.
Speaker 1That explains why you're such a horrible person no well then, what does?
Speaker 4oh, I wouldn't call murky a horrible person, I mean after the shit xeno I opened doors for old people what are you talking about?
Speaker 1but what did xeno do now?
Speaker 4yeah, I've watched xeno spit a man's face and he's like, oh my god, like what's this for? As he's leaning on his walker, and then Zeno just smacked him right across the face. It was super fucked up.
Speaker 3I have seen Zeno talk to an elderly customer, push them down, slash their tires and then walk off.
Speaker 4You missed the part where he stood on the table and pissed on him while he was on the ground. Yeah, you weren't even there for that.
Speaker 2He stood on top of the table and goes.
Speaker 4I'm the king of the world. He whipped out his dick, slapped the guy in the face with it, never got off the table.
Speaker 2I told you guys about my dream. The guy was laying on the ground.
Speaker 1He peed on this lady in the bathroom.
Speaker 2This lady was trying to bang me. Long story short, I was in a restaurant in my dream and in the restaurant it was like half restaurant, half house. And I asked this waitress was like hey, I have to go to the bathroom. You guys have a bathroom. She's like yeah, I'll show you where it is. So I follow her to her bedroom. Uh, she didn't take me to the bathroom and she was trying to seduce me and I was like nah, lady, I just want to go to the bathroom, leave me alone. And she wasn't having it. I was like I'm fucking leaving because I just gotta go to the bathroom. And I saw the bathroom on the way here, so I went to the bathroom, start peeing in the toilet. She starts trying to come in the door and her head's sticking through the door. I have my back against it, trying to push the door closed. She keeps coming in. So I just start peeing in her fucking face and I woke up. I don't know what happened after that, but I fucking probably was.
Speaker 1That's why she didn't go away. Yeah, it's fucked up, fucked up, it's horrifying. We've all had.
Speaker 5We've all had that thought of if, if you're peeing and then you get jumped while yeah, it's fucked up, fucked up.
Speaker 2It's horrifying.
Speaker 1We've all had that thought of if, if you're peeing and then you get jumped while you're in a public bathroom, what, what happened?
Speaker 2I'm spraying.
Speaker 1Everybody's had that thought. Right, you just turn.
Speaker 2I'm rubbing my nuts on somebody's fucking forehead too.
Speaker 1We've all had that thought. Don't lie.
Speaker 3Yeah, I mean nobody's disagreeing so far.
Speaker 2Yeah don't lie. Yeah, I mean, nobody's disagreeing so far. You got talking to the listeners, listeners at home.
Speaker 4I fucking know you've done it.
Speaker 1You're not good are you sitting on the toilet? You're on. You're at the urinal yeah, also what you got yeah, once you start the stream it doesn't stop for anything. So, like, if you need to get into a fight, you're gonna be like like this and it's still pissing, it's still pissing. While you're fucking in the fight, you might even take a little bit of an aim and fucking pee in their eyes.
Speaker 4See at that point, if I'm already unbuttoned and unbelted, I'm gonna pootie tang it. I'm gonna whip my fucking belt out and just start busting motherfuckers with it.
Speaker 2I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what pootie tang means yeah, what is the definition of pootie tang?
Speaker 4um, pootie tang is a way of life, main character from a movie. I can't, god damn it. I can't remember the exact name of the movie. I swear to god, this is actually a real thing. Pootie tang yeah, the name of the character.
Speaker 2I can't remember the exact name of the movie.
Speaker 4I swear to God, this is actually a real thing. Yeah, I don't believe you. Pootie Tang yeah, the name of the character. I can't remember the name of the movie, but he's really good with his belt. Maybe once again.
Speaker 1I thought he was going to be like, yeah, this movie. No, he said it.
Speaker 4I was hoping that was going to happen.
Speaker 3Pootie Tang is the movie. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4Yeah, 2001. Okay Huh.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 5Go to even those, those clarifications.
Speaker 4Basically, he gets his belt taken away at one point. No powers.
Speaker 2Oh, so his powers comes from the belt.
Speaker 1Is he beating people with his belt? Yeah, of course nice. So why is he beating people? And he also doesn't?
Speaker 2know why exactly is this happening?
Speaker 3he's just the hero of the story. That's what he does or a pimp, or oh, I think he's a pimp. Probably been a minute since I've seen the movie, though it's 2001 humor.
Speaker 4Oh, I think he's a pimp. Probably it's been a minute since I've seen the movie. Though it's 2001 humor, I don't fucking know. Dude, it's been a long time since I've seen that movie. Yeah, but if I'm whipping around with my dick out, having to fight a bunch of people, I'm probably not taking the time to put my dick away and button up my jeans.
Speaker 2Nah absolutely not, nah, and you're going to pee in all of them.
Speaker 4Absolutely.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm going to be peeing while I'm fighting, pissing everywhere.
Speaker 2Yeah, no way around. It no way around it.
Speaker 4Feel bad for the janitor after that.
Speaker 1I mean there's going to be a lot of dead bodies on the floor. He's got a lot more than that to clean up. I think you've. I think, or there could just be one body on the floor. If you need a job to get your ass beat, yeah, I think the person that you need to apologize to is the forensic cleaning crew that's going to get called to that scene. It's not going to be the janitor dealing with that mess, it's going to be the fucking CSI. Night shift Got to be with licenses and shit.
Speaker 2And be like what happened here. It's like, well, you're not going to believe this shit. This man was jumped while he is peeing. You can imagine what happened after that.
Speaker 1And you're like he hulked out and beat all over the place. There's piss and blood everywhere.
Speaker 4Gross. They open each stall door and there's a dude stuffed in fucking head first into each fucking toilet.
Speaker 1And there's fresh poop in each toilet.
Speaker 2Their eyes are poked out by a shape that resembles the tip of a dick.
Speaker 1Poked out or dimpled that resembles the tip of a dick. Poked out or dimpled, like you fucking stuck your dick into the into like a fucking orange and deformed it a little bit everybody has a mushroom stamp yeah, yeah, I don't we have four minutes, but we can end it early anyway. Got anything else you want to talk about man, I'm not interesting.
Speaker 3What I never have anything to talk about, I'm not interesting.
Speaker 2Except for the orgy. What do you mean? You talk about the whole orgy thing.
Speaker 3Yeah, because I find weird shit to talk about, but I'm not an interesting guy.
Speaker 2Sometimes we are the weird shit that we find, you know.
Speaker 1Yeah, yes, I'll show you some weird shit, maybe Like poop. Yeah, you want to see some poop.
Speaker 4No no I don't Okay, Ricky get your ass fucking back here your naked body.
Speaker 1What I can't end the podcast without Murky here hey.
Speaker 3Now we can to say goodbye ready, goodbye, goodbye.
